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10 November 2013 @ 07:40 pm
Things I Loathe, Fall Edition: Pumpkin Anything and the darn 'Elf on the Shelf.'  
We're well into what I like to call "Deep Pumpkin" and on the fringes of the time of the year I refer to as "The Hell of Elf on the Shelf."

It's no secret that I don't like pumpkin-flavored things (with the exception of these muffins - I'm a mass of contradictions). But at this time of the year, you can't swing a short rope without hitting a pumpkin coffee, cheesecake, torte, truffle, or soup. And I just can't get behind it. And everyone is always so very excited about the "Fall Flavors," which sounds delightful, but then is inevitably some form of pumpkin.

Which is just gross. Blergh. I, for one, am always just striving to make it past Thanksgiving, so the bulk of the gourd-flavored stuff is behind me. Some of it drags into Christmas, but not all. Christmas brings its own flavors, for which I am grateful and more than happy to partake of. Eggnog flavored things, for example. Yes, please! Peppermint and Cinnamon. Sure. But PUMPKIN!? No, sir. It will not stand in this household.

It's always funny to me that when waiters list the dessert specials, I just shut down when they trill "and we have pumpkin creme brulee!" It's the equivalent to pouring water on a merrily crackling fire. Nolan smiles and tells the waiter, "You just lost her." And indeed they have; why would you ruin perfectly good milk, sugar and eggs with that stuff?

Notice friends, when you are out and about tomorrow, or scrolling through the interwebs, JUST HOW MANY pumpkin things are out there. And then imagine me, that every time I see one, I get a series of mini-revulsions. Not quite a full on gag, but unable to pass them without a sick feeling. I definitely make a face.

All I'm looking for is a little mercy, people. LIGHTEN UP ON THE PUMPKIN. Take pity.

And it's the time of the year when Pinterest is littered with "Elf on the Shelf" ideas.

I loathe Elf on the Shelf. I'm not sure I really have a reason why, other than it's something that I would have sucked out loud at if it had been en vogue when my kids were little, given my out and out fail at being the Tooth Fairy. Basically Elf on the Shelf is a method to scare kids into being good for Santa. You sit the stuffed elf on the mantle, and move him around while your kids are asleep so that they can tell he's a spy for Santa Claus.

I'm sorry, I'm the only spy that Santa ever needed, and our paddle made my children behave ALL YEAR ROUND, and I didn't have to make messes (that I would then later have to clean up) so that some stuffed, Big Brother elf would give my children incentive to behave during the holiday season. And I'm sorry, but wrapping your toilet in Christmas paper? The elf making out with Barbie? The elf sitting in a sink full of marshmallows? Tracking elf-shaped, flour footprints across the kitchen cabinets? Come ON, people. You can't tell me you don't have better things to do.

And trying to get Nolan on board with that? Fruitless. It just wouldn't have happened.

But you know what I love? You people. Even if you do like gourds and stuffed, tattle-tale, spy elves. I feel like we can still be friends. :)
 
 
 
Comic Book Goddess: brave - applerainpuddle13 on November 11th, 2013 01:45 am (UTC)
I am so glad I am not the one who isn't thrilled with the wall to wall pumpkin this, that, and everything. Ugh. It goes against my aversion to anything orange. I don't eat/drink/wear/write with anything orange. It just gross.

Btw, chocolate chip cookie dough brownie cupcakes are the bomb!
Carrie Leigh: redheadcarrie_leigh on November 11th, 2013 01:48 am (UTC)
We're quirky, but totally worth it.

I have absolutely NO DOUBT.
Comic Book Goddess: cats - cat haikurainpuddle13 on November 11th, 2013 01:52 am (UTC)
To be fair, I'm not the biggest fan of cinnamon either so fall is basically hell for me.


Make brownies, fill muffin tin half way, add about a tablespoon of cookie dough (globs work best). Bake at 350 for 12-15 minutes.
Jandy the Gnome Whisperer: Office - Jim Jazzhandsjandjsalmon on November 11th, 2013 01:53 am (UTC)
I LOATHE the Elf on a Shelf phenomenon. I agree completely that my militant parenting style that (shockingly!) expects good behaviour all year long should be good enough - and seriously - why make yourself just another mess to clean up. Ick.

(though I do love me some pumpkin pie - one of my favourite things in the world. We could sit beside each other at holiday dinner and I'd eat all the things that you dislike and I hope you'd eat all the things I dislike)
Carrie Leigh: Jimcarrie_leigh on November 11th, 2013 03:07 am (UTC)
I totally would.
O Demanding One: Autumn: Happy Chickens In The Leaves ♥heyurs on November 11th, 2013 03:20 am (UTC)

*LOLOL* Yes, I have thought of you many a time while in the store, and seeing all things gourd. I am even very careful not to use my beloved pumpkin icons. *g*

Yup, all year round good behavior has always been a norm. I like Jessi's term, militant. Agreed. Never even entertained the elf on the shelf doings.

  x)  Thank you for feeling like we can still be friends... *LOLOL* ♥

Carrie Leigh: redheaded pinupcarrie_leigh on November 11th, 2013 02:08 pm (UTC)
I decorate with pumpkins, I just don't ingest them. Icon away. :)
Adelagiaadelagia on November 11th, 2013 04:12 am (UTC)
This is the first I've heard of this Elf on the Shelf business. Sounds horrible and vaguely creepy. If that had happened when I was a child I'd have wet my pants in fear, probably.
Carrie Leigh: Glamour Girlcarrie_leigh on November 11th, 2013 02:09 pm (UTC)
I think it's weird, too, but it's definitely a phenomenon that is not going away.
Kate: Seasonal: Most Wonderful Timemugglechump on November 11th, 2013 05:08 am (UTC)
Pumpkin of pretty much any variety is one of my favorites, but I feel for you at this time of year.

I agree wholeheartedly on the Elf on the Shelf nonsense. Not only because of the mess, but it's a weirdly manipulative 'fun' activity. Besides, Santa doesn't need any help. He sees you when you're sleeping AND he knows when you're awake. He knows (even without the passive aggressive elf) if you've been bad or good, so be good, for goodness sake.
Carrie Leigh: by <lj user = " title="Carrie Leigh: by " />carrie_leigh on November 11th, 2013 02:11 pm (UTC)
Right? There's a whole song. No need for the elf.
idreamofdracoidreamofdraco on November 11th, 2013 05:09 am (UTC)
Pumpkin and Elf on the Shelf are two things that I, too, loathe entirely! I had the misfortune of trying pumpkin juice at Harry Potter World, and it's something that I regret. Just the thought of it makes me want to gag. I'd never been a fan of pumpkin (except pumpkin seeds, which are tasty every now and then), but my experience with pumpkin juice made me a hater for life. :)

Now Elf on the Shelf is just creepy. My mum is fascinated by it for some reason, even though my brother and I are way, way past the age of children who might enjoy it. So glad she's never caved in and bought one for herself.
Carrie Leigh: I'm not insensitive i just don't carecarrie_leigh on November 11th, 2013 02:13 pm (UTC)
Oh, guh. Pumpkin juice. DISGUSTING. I wouldn't have even tried it.
Mala13oct on November 11th, 2013 11:23 am (UTC)
I'm glad that I'm not the only one who just hates pumpkin. It's vile and gross and I wouldn't eat it now matter how much of chocolate it is mixed with.

I have always found the elf on the shelf idea itself bizarre. I've never bothered doing it with my kids. Behave because you have to/it is the right thing to do/it is expected of you, not because of some random elf.
Carrie Leigh: miss grumpy pantscarrie_leigh on November 11th, 2013 02:14 pm (UTC)
Solidarity, sister!
Elle Blessingwayelle_blessing on November 11th, 2013 09:35 pm (UTC)
I really like the pumpkin soup they have at Panera Bread right now.

I probably hate eggnog stuff as much as you hate pumpkin stuff, so I understand your pain. After Thanksgiving is The Worst for seeing eggnog around every corner.

Never heard of the Elf on The Shelf thing until now. I'm really glad I haven't. Cause that's CREEPY.