I voted today. I cast a vote for freedom instead of tyranny, if you're interested.
Picture me with half my face blued, on a horse, a fierce expression on my face as I approached the polling place, shaking my fist with democratic fervor:
Carrie. "I came back here as a middle-aged woman to tell my enemies that they may take my life, but they will never take... my FREEDOM!"
But I did all that on the inside. Outwardly, I handed the DLOL (Dear Little Old Lady) my driver's licence. She gave me a printout and an "I VOTED!" sticker, and sent me on my way.
And then a DLOM (Dear Little Old Man) shuffled up to me, led me to the booth, asked me if I wanted the polling machine to continue in English (I did) and went on to explain how it worked.
DLOM. See here, the screen just works when you touch it!
Carrie. (fights the urge to be sarcastic) Oh, okay.
DLOM. Give me a whistle if you need anything.
Carrie. Yes, sir.
DLOM. You know how to whistle?
Carrie. (panics, because she thinks the DLOM is going to tell her to put her lips together and blow) I do. (She doesn't) Thank you.
DLOM nods and shuffles off.
I voted, and it was boring, and they used far too many words than they needed and I shut down all their tyranny and political nonsense with my one awesome vote. Then, as I turned to go, I started to peel the "I VOTED!" sticker off the paper backing, the DLOM noticed that I was having trouble, because I no longer have acrylic fingernails, and sometimes it's hard to get used to making things happen without them. So he shuffles back over.
DLOM. Do you need some help?
Carrie. (feels like a four year-old, but thinks that he probably is just trying to be helpful. after all, he's voluntarily at one of the most boring jobs in the world) Sure. Thank you.
DLOM. (peels the sticker off like he'd been doing it for 89 years - or however long stickers have been around- and then STICKS IT ON MY BREAST.) There you go!
(Ignore my neckfat/gross neck)
As you can see, that sticker is NOT on the part of my upper body that is neutral territory, but is CLEARLY on the area that is the swelling part of my left breast.
The DLOM and I BOTH GASPED AT THE SAME TIME, he blushed and my eyes got VERY wide, and then we both walked away (me briskly, he at a faster shuffle than normal) in opposite directions.
And that's how I got groped by an old man when I was voting.
They never mentioned that being part of the package in the "Doing Your Civic Duty" filmstrip in high school.