Log in

No account? Create an account
17 January 2012 @ 04:49 pm
Pardon me, I'm about to spew hot, molten crazy all over you. So Sorry.  

Once every four to six months or so, I have what I like to politely call, an "I FEEL" day.

Because, let me tell you, dear readers, I feel EVERYTHING that day.

I call it "I FEEL," but it really could be more accurately described as "Holy Crap, What Is Wrong With That Girl?" day, or "Carrie's Got Two Bushel Barrels Full of Insanity" day. And I won't lie, sometimes a day might stretch into two. Or five.

The names change, the recipe is the same.

I suppress.

I suppress everything. That's super healthy, right? I wish I were the sort of girl who could tell you what she thinks the moment that she thinks it, but I'm just not. I don't want to hurt people's feelings, or I'm not comfortable with confrontation, or sometimes, I might not know how I feel exactly, and I have to sit with it for a few hours days weeks.

My darling husband doesn't suffer from this affliction. You never have to wonder where The Nolan stands on anything. I know about whatever it is the second that he does. (And he swears that he holds back, but I don't see how this could possibly be true. It just can't.)

Me, though? If I'm upset, I stew.

I stew for months.

However, I stew waaaaaaay, way, deep down where no one will ever see it. I stew long, and I stew hard. I stew to the point where one day, someone (who may or may not be married to me) might walk up to me and say, "Hey, how's it going?" and I'll have stewed to the point where it bubbles over and I erupt the hot molten lava of nutso all over them, leaving them stunned, slightly charred, and going, "Wha-huh?"

I'd like to say that I wear this badge of pride as a woman, but I don't think this is necessarily a girl thing. I know men that irrationally overreact, as well. And I think that why we do this (aside from some sort of chemical imbalance, perhaps) is that we don't use a release valve for our emotions.

Hell, I don't even know where my release valve is. And if I do have one, it would probably give me a headache to use it.

So that's where I am. Three times a year (give or take), I irrationally overreact about something (dust on the television, detritus left on the stairs, apartheid, etc.) for a spell, and then go back to being my usual, slightly neurotic, mild-mannered self.

I hereby apologize in advance. Thank you for your consideration.
I am:: at the bar
I feel:: exhaustedexhausted
C. Brooks SmithC. Brooks Smith on January 17th, 2012 11:16 pm (UTC)
This made me snicker.. nearly going into guffaw land
I see that about you. You were typically unflappable. I can be a lot to deal with and my randomness and tendency to just act on impulses (i.e. steal your car.. plop down in your room.. wear a drill team outfit) and would I get ANY kind of the expected alarmed reaction?? Nooooooooo... You had the "Carrie is Bored" look..LOL Thank GOD I know now that you were on the verge of ripping my throat out.. now I have to think about how very felonious and creepy I may have come off.. damn introspection..
Carrie Leigh: 333 I'm only half evilcarrie_leigh on January 18th, 2012 04:43 pm (UTC)
Re: This made me snicker.. nearly going into guffaw land
Even when I overreact, I'm not typically violent. There would have been no throat ripping. worst I would have done is shrieked a little.

But probably not even that. You amused me. But of course, I was too cool to have let you know that, either. :D

slitherhitherslitherhither on January 18th, 2012 10:58 pm (UTC)
Awww. :(

I hope you get your sense of emotional balance back soon. And, eventually, we all figure out how to better deal with the things that make us crazy, even if only a teensy bit better, and even if it's only on our very own death beds. Except I have faith that you'll figure it out a bit sooner than that, because you're clearly aware that it would be helpful to you and those you love, and you want to. I grew up totally suppressing my feelings too and still struggle with understanding the crazy jumble they sometimes make. But it's so liberating (and difficult and scary at first) to try to recognize, name, and deal with them. I truly believe they're precious gifts from our wise subconscious/unconscious minds giving us important information that we can use. Hang in there! *hugs*
Carrie Leighcarrie_leigh on January 19th, 2012 07:50 pm (UTC)
Oh, I'm fine. I wasn't distressed at all when i wrote that. It was just a sort of public service announcement. :)

I gotta be me. :D