Carrie Leigh (carrie_leigh) wrote,
Carrie Leigh

Pardon me, I'm about to spew hot, molten crazy all over you. So Sorry.

Once every four to six months or so, I have what I like to politely call, an "I FEEL" day.

Because, let me tell you, dear readers, I feel EVERYTHING that day.

I call it "I FEEL," but it really could be more accurately described as "Holy Crap, What Is Wrong With That Girl?" day, or "Carrie's Got Two Bushel Barrels Full of Insanity" day. And I won't lie, sometimes a day might stretch into two. Or five.

The names change, the recipe is the same.

I suppress.

I suppress everything. That's super healthy, right? I wish I were the sort of girl who could tell you what she thinks the moment that she thinks it, but I'm just not. I don't want to hurt people's feelings, or I'm not comfortable with confrontation, or sometimes, I might not know how I feel exactly, and I have to sit with it for a few hours days weeks.

My darling husband doesn't suffer from this affliction. You never have to wonder where The Nolan stands on anything. I know about whatever it is the second that he does. (And he swears that he holds back, but I don't see how this could possibly be true. It just can't.)

Me, though? If I'm upset, I stew.

I stew for months.

However, I stew waaaaaaay, way, deep down where no one will ever see it. I stew long, and I stew hard. I stew to the point where one day, someone (who may or may not be married to me) might walk up to me and say, "Hey, how's it going?" and I'll have stewed to the point where it bubbles over and I erupt the hot molten lava of nutso all over them, leaving them stunned, slightly charred, and going, "Wha-huh?"

I'd like to say that I wear this badge of pride as a woman, but I don't think this is necessarily a girl thing. I know men that irrationally overreact, as well. And I think that why we do this (aside from some sort of chemical imbalance, perhaps) is that we don't use a release valve for our emotions.

Hell, I don't even know where my release valve is. And if I do have one, it would probably give me a headache to use it.

So that's where I am. Three times a year (give or take), I irrationally overreact about something (dust on the television, detritus left on the stairs, apartheid, etc.) for a spell, and then go back to being my usual, slightly neurotic, mild-mannered self.

I hereby apologize in advance. Thank you for your consideration.
Tags: i might be crazy, insanity, miscellaneous

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