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15 January 2012 @ 05:57 pm
Theatre vs. Sports: A Mother’s Diatribe  
I love the arts. It’s no secret that for most of my life I have focused on avoiding competitive sports at all costs. It’s a personal thing. My first instinct, when someone throws a spherical object at me, is to get the hell out of the way. Or shield my face. Or bat it away. Or shriek. Or maybe all of those at once.

And of course, there’s my aforementioned complete lack of drive to win at things like that, as well. We don’t watch football, or basketball, or even baseball on television at our house. Going to live games is fun, but our Sundays aren’t spent watching sports, thank God.

All that said, my sons really want to play sports. *deep sigh* Fine. Waste your natural God-given acting talent, and play basketball. You’re a boy. I get it. It’s somehow cooler to run around with a bunch of your friends chasing an orange ball than it is to wear costumes and sing and dance. Whatever.

(Though in a few years, when you’re one of four straight guys in the theatre department, you may change your tune. Think about it.)

But it isn’t the idea of competitive sports that I don’t like. It’s the complete lack of organization and decorum.

1. There is no rehearsal schedule handed out at the first meeting. What?
2. The dates and times of the performances change from week to week.
3. You’re expected to perform after only two times to practice your part? Idiocy.
4. Costumes are delivered on THE DAY of the first performance.
5. The audience members SHOUT AT YOU from the sidelines.
6. There’s sweat involved. (Alright, fine. To be fair, that happens in theatre, too.)
7. The director SHOUTS AT YOU during the performance. (As opposed to before.)
8. Upstaging by fellow cast mates happens frequently, and is evidently encouraged.
9. There is a very real chance you can get hurt. Especially in contact sports.
10. The costumes aren’t that cute.

At the game, I was a nervous wreck. It was worse than any stage fright I’ve ever had, or even when I’ve directed and had to hand over the reins to the actors opening night. And at one point, when my sweet, blond-haired, 75 pound eleven year-old went face first into the mat on the wall, because he WAS PUSHED BY SOMEONE A FOOT TALLER, I nearly lost it.

Pushing doesn’t happen in the theatre. Not unless it’s blocked or choreographed beforehand and fully sanctioned by the director. There is no improvised pushing.

Anyhow, it looks as if this is something I’ll have to deal with. The boys love theatre, but they also love sports, and I’m going to be a good mother and let them, I suppose.

But I’m just letting you know #8, if you push my boy again, I’m putting you on my list.

And THAT, #8, is a place you simply do not want to be.
I feel:: annoyedannoyed
I hear:: The Cowboys
Lauradream_mancer on January 16th, 2012 12:24 am (UTC)
I love sports. I played basketball in school but I love watching football and basketball.

I still want girls. Ballet? Almost maybe. Cheerleading? If they want, and I still get to watch football and basketball. Of course, then you have a very different cutthroat mentality, but none of this physical stuff.
O Demanding One: Winter: Warm & Cozy Socksheyurs on January 16th, 2012 12:31 am (UTC)

Aw! Poor Mom. *pats you* I remember my chicken fat funk being slammed into the wall, too, and actually getting up and going to see about things. I was told that I embarrassed the heck out of him and to please never do that again. O.o What, was I supposed to sit there and let him be clobbered all over? *sigh* He actually survived all of that shouting and sweat. Goodness. The only thing that kind of surprises me, though, is your #'s 1 & 2. Our boys always got a rehearsal and game schedule the first meeting that we had. How the heck are you supposed to plan?

Hang in there, Dearie. GO, Ethan! :)


Jandy the Gnome Whisperer: HG - <3'd you a lot!jandjsalmon on January 16th, 2012 04:44 am (UTC)
LOLOL! I loved this whole post.

I wish you'd been there the first time Scott got a penalty in Lacrosse (Jay was prouder than I've ever seen him) ... or the time he was SLAMMED to the ground by a kid two years older and when he got up he just looked at me and said loudly from the rink "I didn't cry, Mom!" *giggles*

OOOH what are you going to do when he wants to play High School Football?

Edited at 2012-01-16 04:46 am (UTC)
tracyj23: Coffee/snoopytracyj23 on January 16th, 2012 04:18 pm (UTC)
I echo this entire post. Totally. But of course while my eldest is good with the idea of theatre (and his idea of "sport" is walking to the library and back), my middle child just can't be convinced the hockey isn't the be-all and end-all of existence. I foresee a lot of stress for me as he gets knocked around.
Mala13oct on January 17th, 2012 08:45 am (UTC)
I love this post. Also, I have to physically will myself not to jump up when my 4yr old gets pushed while playing football, so yeah, I can relate.
deedsk_tx on January 17th, 2012 08:24 pm (UTC)
You KNEW this sports Mama would be commenting, right?

Eventhough my precious 1st born has been playing competitive baseball since he was 5 (and you KNOW he gets that competitiveness from his Daddy b/c I do not care who wins or loses as long as I'M in charge!) it's still extremely nerve-racking to watch him play.

Josh started kid-pitch baseball last summer-spending 3 months learning to set-windup and throw and has become one heck of a relief pitcher for the Mighty Bandits. BUT...one cold, Saturday night game in October when they were short 2 players so everyone was on the field and he was yanked from right field to come in and pitch (no warm-up, no stretches- just pitch)and all of a sudden parents are screaming at him, coaches are screaming at him and his teammates too- I just about LOST it!! My BABY is doing the very best he can with no true preparation and you people are just cruel to think he can come in and become Colby Lewis(a fun Rangers reference for ya!) He actually yelled back at his shortstop and said "Shut Up Gabe!" and then apologized to me after the game for using the S-word on the field! Love my kids!!

Anywho- even the best of us "sports Moms" can't handle when our babies are getting pushed, shoved or yelled at- eventhough it doesn't really seem to phase them. Hang in there Mama- you know they will ultimately choose the lights of the theater over these silly sports! Be glad Ethan chose basketball over football or hockey- those sports will mess up that $3k smile you are working on with the cute Orthodonist! :)

Love Ya Girl~
Carrie Leighcarrie_leigh on January 18th, 2012 04:39 pm (UTC)
It's nerve wracking, D. I think I almost cried several times.

Ethan just patted me and said, It's okay mom. I'm FIIIIINE. With an eyeroll.

I was in labor for 24 hours with that kid. I'll be DAMNED if some neanderthal, repeat 7th grader is gonna break him in half.

I'm watching. Oh, I'm watching.