Me, too, y'all. But now rather than a vague notion that I had an overdeveloped sense of whimsy - that I was a little short and had a barrage of different things that irk me, including stone statuary, gourds, woodland creatures and tapioca pudding - now I've found that there's ACTUALLY SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME.
You see, I've been having pretty severe back pain for about eight months. At first I blamed it on a musical I did last Spring. Fricking dancing, you know? But then I went to a doctor, then another doctor and yet another doctor, and finally, one of the doctors said, "Let's get some x-rays taken."
I said, "Oh, my goodness! How fun! Let's do that!"
No, what I really said was probably something along the lines of, "Oh, crap. Do I hafta?"
In any case, I had them taken, and it turns out that not only am I short, have a crooked nose and a tendency to lose and gain the same twenty pounds every year, now I find out that one of my legs is shorter than the other.
Eight millimeters shorter, to be exact. Bigger than a pea, smaller than a blueberry. And I have a mild case of Scoliosis. AND I have a reverse cervical curve.
It's a wonder I can even function at all, right? ;)
The doctor (bless his sweet little redheaded heart) said it would be best if I wore only flat shoes. In reply, I laughed. Loudly. Ninety percent of the shoes in my closet are at least 2 1/2 inches. I'm short. I need a little help in the height department.
So he gave me a little wedge to put in my shoe. My left shoe. He also started talking about how we were going to fix my neck (which doesn't hurt even a little) and I held up my hand and said, "Let's do one thing at a time, okay? Let me get used to the gimp leg before you put me in traction or whatever the hell you're gonna do, okay, buddy?"
I said that, but much more nicely. That was the gist, though.
So yeah. I'm actually thinking of going as Igor for Halloween and really playing up the deficiency.
Anyway, that's what's up. Last night, I said, "Nolan! I only need EIGHT MORE MILLIMETERS!"
To which he replied, "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!"
So everything's totally normal. Worry not, World. We're gonna be fine over here.