After this post, I'm going back to being thirty-one, though. Everyone please remember that. Thank you. Are you ready? Here we go!
Guidelines for a Pretty Awesome Way to Live
1. Make lists of things you need to do, and check or cross them off as you complete the job. Get stuff done. It's a feeling of accomplishment.
2. Remember what's important. Don't get caught up the minutia.
3. Halloween is not an excuse to be slutty. If your Halloween costume took some thought to put together, you're on the right track. If you pulled it off a shelf and paired it with fishnets, you are not. If you can put the word slutty before whatever your costume is, i.e., Slutty Nurse, Slutty Pirate, Slutty Hermione Granger (I totally saw one of these yesterday - horrifying), you'll make me sad.
4. Don't drink too much tequila. Ever. Evereverever. I mean it.
5. Ease up on Facebook. Facebook is not real life. Facebook is fun, but it isn't a face to face relationship. Talk to actual people. It's good for you. Make lunch/coffee/jello shot dates. Keep them.
6. Ahem. Don't do too many jello shots. Everything in moderation. Drunk and sloppy is never cute. It's embarrassing for everyone around you. Always drink more water than whatever (the fun substance of choice) is in your cup. And take two Tylenol before bedtime. *firm nod*
7. If your boyfriend is a jerk, don't take that crap. Eat a cupcake and move on. Seriously. Lots of fish in the sea.
8. Pray for your husband. Daily. Present or future, it matters not. Pray for the dude. It will benefit you in the long run.
9. Eat vegetables. (Except squash. Ew.)
10. Do things for people without being asked. Bring them a latte, make them cookies, give unexpected hugs. Serve. Be that girl. Or boy.
11. Don't be afraid to DO something. To try something new, to fall on your face, to make a fool of yourself, to put yourself out there. Death comes to us all, Mary Agnes. Live life. Go big or go home.
12. If your button up shirt gapes at that region, wear another shirt. Or unbutton that button and OWN it. If you go this route,you'll want to stay away from the ghetto. Just saying.
13. Dress for the day you want to have. Put on something cute. Fix your hair. Slap on some mascara. Sometimes going from the outside-in works.
14. Use real butter. Life is too damn short for that plastic crap.
15. Look people in the eye when you speak to them. Have a firm, but not painful, handshake.
16. Give people sincere compliments. Don't suck up.
17. Don't piss off the costumer. I know this applies to a small percentage of you out there, but it's really invaluable for those it does pertain to. Seriously. She (or he) can make your life sooooo much easier. A 'thank you' goes a long way. In addition, don't piss off the stage manager. Late entrances aren't good for anyone. And uncomfortable costumes suck out loud.
18. Treat people the way you want to be treated. SERIOUSLY. Jesus had it right. And it WORKS. Some people call it karma. Potato pot-ah-to. Do it. It smooths life right along.
19. In related advice, give everything to Jesus. I get that all of you out there aren't bent that way, but worrying about stuff will only give you gray hair and a bitchy expression. Good, bad, horrible, big, little: Give it to Jesus. He's got it.
20. When someone makes you angry, wait a full ten seconds before answering them or saying anything. Even if you have the best sarcastic comment of all time. It will benefit everyone in the long run. Thinking before speaking is always a good idea.
.....Aaaand that's it. I just really thought that some of this needed to be said. Take it with a grain of salt, hide me on Facebook, print it out and put it on your fridge, or remove me from your Google reader. Do what's right for you.
I shall now go back to being the bad example you've all come to know and love.
Have a great weekend!