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26 April 2011 @ 07:59 am
Adventures in Marriage  
I stumbled across this Marital Rating Chart from the 1930's the other day, and Nolan and I are sort of whimsical, and because I have a compulsion to complete every test with which I come into contact, we both took it.

The mind reels as to how these were used. Were they circulated in a magazine? Where the husband comes home, licks his pen, looks over his glasses at his wife and scores her worth on a sheet? How messed up is that?

Nevertheless, I think just by glancing at this, you can see I would have sucked out loud as a wife in the 1930's.

Click the picture twice to enlarge.

1. My husband goes to sleep as soon as he's horizontal, so I don't think this one should count against me. And I am a good hostess. So those cancel each other out.

2. I don't like children. That said, I like mine, most of the time. And I have meals ready whenever I feel like it, thankyouverymuch.

3. I mend on my time. I don't darn. I buy new socks. Puhleeze. As for interesting, I don't like to debate, which is what Nolan ALWAYS wants to do, so that's a failure as well.

4. Do holey yoga pants count as soiled and ragged? And I played the french horn once upon a time; as memory serves, I sounded like a dying elephant. But after four years of piano, I can play the theme to The Pink Panther. Ha!

5. *gasp* I wear red nail polish. I am evidently a hussy. And at NO time in our thirteen years of marriage have I ever, ever, EVER dressed for breakfast. Are you supposed to? I was under the impression that breakfast was a pajama only affair.

6. I am rarely ever late. In fact, I annoy husband #1 because I'm compulsively early. As far as the neat housekeeping? Er...

7. I don't even wear hose! But if I did, I'm sure the seams would be off. For sure. I tell the kids to go to bed, but I don't always go upstairs with them. I don't have a nanny that does that for me, though.

8. No curlers. No face cream. He should BE so lucky. And I do go to bed angry. I may not remember WHY I'm angry, but it's happened.

9. My husband's warmth was MEANT for me to put my cold feet on. It was part of the bargain when he said "I do." He can just suck that up. Big purchases? I'm not gonna buy a car or anything without him, but as for the rest of it... *shrug*

10. Totally a backseat driver. Only because he's NUTS. I think I have a good sense of humor, but I'd categorize it as sardonic and wry rather than jolly and gay. Sue.

11. Do I flirt with other men? I don't think so. And I'm more spiritual than religious.

12. I'm not suspicious or jealous regarding Nolan. Other things... well, perhaps. And I DO let my husband sleep in. He works hard.

My score was.... are you ready for this? ZERO. Nada. Nothing. I scored NOTHING.

Well, shoot. I think I'm sweet. ;)

But onwards and upwards, to HIS chart.

1. Nolan doesn't stare at other women. He may look, but he's not dead, for goodness sake. Just married. And he gives me an ample 'allowance.' It's called a joint checking account. Yes. I'm good.

2. Doesn't read at the table. Is nice to my friends. Check, check.

3. If by promptly, they mean within a few minutes, then yes. Only because it's one of my pet peeves. Food doesn't stay hot forever, you know. And he compliments me ALL THE TIME. ALL. THE. TIME. (Because I'm awesome?) :D

4. Doesn't bring guests home without saying something first. Does ask me to bake things on short notice. He might REMEMBER birthdays, but he rarely does anything about them. Celebrating things on the day of is not his scene.

5. Because I don't have dinner at a set time, he can't be held responsible for being late. He does help with housework. He's a sweetie like that.

6. Doesn't compare me with other girls. Not if he doesn't want a smack upside the head. He's ever the gentleman. Always mannerly.

7. He knows he's got a good thing and never gloats about before we were married. He often says it was the best decision he ever made. And he does ask me my opinion about things. It isn't his fault that I don't ever have one.

8. Doesn't criticize me in public. What sort of monster does that? And we don't have one date a week, but we do date often.

9. No bodily gas around me. Ew! He's very mannerly. He sometimes reads to me, and that's nice.

10. He never, ever leaves drawers or cabinet doors open. Me? Well, that's another story. Drives him nuts. Drove both of my roommates nuts, too, if memory serves. Conversation? That's a subject for another post.

11. Never leaves his stuff out. Never, never, never. Me? Yes, absolutely. And he's the steadiest worker and best provider I could ever ask for.

12. He snores. HE SNORES. It sounds like he's doing it on purpose. IT SOUNDS LIKE A CARTOON! He snores louder than my grandfather did, for crying out loud! But he bought me my own car. :D So there's that.

Nolan scored a 27. WHAT? He's not "poor." What kind of lame ass scorecard is this, anyway? I'd say he was superior.

Either way, if you look at the scores, he got screwed. Sorry, babe.

If you look at our marriage by any other standards, we're doing just fine. Better than, actually.

But man. I'm glad we're not in the 1930's. Yikes.

*waves red fingernails around*
Mala13oct on April 26th, 2011 04:52 pm (UTC)
GOD I honestly though that I was the only mother who doesn't like children. THANK YOU for that. I always felt more than off because of this 'quirk' of mine.

If I took this test, I would probably fail spectacularly! LOL!
Jessica K Malfoyjessicakmalfoy on April 26th, 2011 11:06 pm (UTC)
heck no! i dislike all other kids except my 1 too!
Mala13oct on April 28th, 2011 01:23 pm (UTC)
:)) Thank you for saying this! Non kid liking mum's of the world unite. *i clearly need to sleep huh*

We seem to have loads in common (D/G lub!) so I've taken the liberty of adding you to my flist. Hope you don't mind.
Jessica K Malfoyjessicakmalfoy on April 28th, 2011 02:20 pm (UTC)
yes we do! & i've seen you around.... my friend's journals :D

pardon my occasional political rants. i try to keep them to a once a year or less occurrence!
Jessica K Malfoyjessicakmalfoy on April 26th, 2011 11:06 pm (UTC)
i think i scored negative!!! wow i suck!
Jessica K Malfoy: disney: lotte tiana thinks your crazy lijessicakmalfoy on April 27th, 2011 02:18 am (UTC)
i've decided i MUST post these on my facebook!
slitherhither: ron_sufferslitherhither on April 27th, 2011 06:03 am (UTC)
Hmm, I think the reason Nolan only got a '27' is because there are actually more than 12 items in each column - because there's no way anyone could score a '76 and up' with only those 12 merits!

I'm sure that if there are more questions, both you and Nolan would score Super Superior... at least in the qualities that matter nowadays! *smooches*
slitherhither: ron_sufferslitherhither on April 27th, 2011 06:04 am (UTC)
I mean, there are supposed to be more than 12 items in each column. Still, what a silly test!
dragonsangel68: HP - Lucius welcome to helldragonsangel68 on April 27th, 2011 06:47 am (UTC)
According to that I'm an epic failure *giggles*
O Demanding One: Express: Grin X) Snoopyheyurs on April 27th, 2011 04:26 pm (UTC)

You hussy, you! xD

*goes off cackling*