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30 December 2010 @ 05:10 pm
Conversations With an Eight Year-Old  
Eclipse has an MPAA rating of PG-13. I knew that going into this. But the boys have watched loads of PG-13 movies without incident. Off the top of my head - The Spider-Man Franchise, for one. And I am by no means a prude. But I was wholly unprepared for this. WHERE IS MY HANDBOOK?

Anywho, parenting is an adventure.

(So Bella and her dad are in the kitchen so I immediately turn it up. Because - Charlie. Duh. Bella's whining about something or being moody, and Charlie starts to 'have the talk' with his daughter and she says:)

Bella. I am a virgin, and I have no immediate plans to change that status.

Aaron. (Pauses the movie) What's a virgin?

(Let me take a moment to put into words what it's like to be asked that question by your kid. It's like getting caught doing something wrong when you're a teenager. My stomach did a flip and I felt nauseated. Seriously. Anyway, back to the story.)

Carrie. It's someone who's never had sex before.

(Again, let me stop to say that when asked if they knew what sex was, Ethan pipes up and says it's when a "girl lays down on top of a boy and they kiss like hogs."

That's verbatim, y'all.

Aaron. (turns to me) Are you a virgin?

Carrie. (eek!) Um, no. I had to have had sex to get pregnant and have you and Ethan.

Aaron. Oh. (thinks for a moment) Is Dad a virgin?

Carrie. (Oh, Lord, have mercy) No, he had a hand in getting me pregnant so you could be here.

Aaron. Oh. How old are you when you have sex?

Carrie. Old. And married. Any other questions?

Aaron. No, I don't think so.

Carrie. Okay. (Good, thank GOD, please let Nolan be the next one to field these sorts of questions.)

In less horrifying news, my dad is here, and we're have a cool, laid back time. Love to all and happy new year, if I don't see you before.
I am:: at the bar
I feel:: busybusy
I hear:: HPHBP on the X-box
tadpole_bac on December 30th, 2010 11:36 pm (UTC)
Can't. Stop. Laughing.
I can't catch my breath! That's hilarious! I think your kiddos are awesome. And way too smart for their own good!
tadpole_bac on December 30th, 2010 11:38 pm (UTC)
Re: Can't. Stop. Laughing.
And, btw, Bella is super whiny. I wanna smack her.
Re: Can't. Stop. Laughing. - jessicakmalfoy on December 31st, 2010 01:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Can't. Stop. Laughing. - carrie_leigh on December 31st, 2010 04:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
Elle: arthurelvishly on December 30th, 2010 11:54 pm (UTC)
LOL. You guys are immense. Ethan's response -- hahaha!

BTW -- I got your Christmas card today! It is really nice. :D Thank you. :)
Carrie Leigh: Arthur isn't impressedcarrie_leigh on December 31st, 2010 04:34 am (UTC)
Oh, you're welcome. :)

I answer you're Unimpressed Arthur with one of my own.
Jessica K Malfoy: disney: ezma smack that assjessicakmalfoy on December 31st, 2010 01:08 am (UTC)
aw i think that's funny! i told aislynn the same thing but she found the word in her kids Bible!! and she said "oh yeah. sex is like having the worm, right?"

i was floored. so i told her i didn't know what that meant & she just kept saying "it's like, you know..."

so i left it there & just told her that it's how women get pregnant, but then i decided that wasn't good enough since she can't wait to have lots of babies, and told her if it was done unsafely there were all kinds of nasty things that could happen, like warts on her privates. she fled the kitchen. and that was that.

probably not my finest parenting moment!
Carrie Leigh: Epic in scopecarrie_leigh on December 31st, 2010 04:37 am (UTC)
Oh, have mercy. The kids' bible. You'd think that one would be safe, huh? :D

I knew I'd have to address this, I was just hoping it would be when they were thirty or something.

...Warts on privates. THAT is truth, right there. Maybe the truth that'll keep her away from boys for a while longer!
The Mellifluous Leaper 182: Hamster - Hugsleaper182 on December 31st, 2010 01:33 am (UTC)
Heeeee, oh the joys of parenting. :D

Carrie Leighcarrie_leigh on December 31st, 2010 04:38 am (UTC)
The bear does need a hug! I just got that one yesterday. elle_blessing made it. :)
(no subject) - carrie_leigh on December 31st, 2010 04:42 am (UTC) (Expand)
Comic Book Goddess: TW - Eclipse - Bella's Bedrainpuddle13 on December 31st, 2010 01:41 am (UTC)

I couldn't breathe for like a minute after reading this. Seriously, out of the mouth of babes.

Carrie Leigh: Alicecarrie_leigh on December 31st, 2010 04:28 am (UTC)
Me, too. But for different reasons.

Not Aaron, though. He just hit play like it wasn't a big deal.
Hyacinth Girl: Avatar Sokka facepalmeustacia_vye28 on December 31st, 2010 01:41 am (UTC)
I don't know which is funnier, the story or your icon. They mesh oh so well. :)
Carrie Leighcarrie_leigh on December 31st, 2010 04:39 am (UTC)
I thought so, too! elle_blessing made it. :)
(no subject) - eustacia_vye28 on December 31st, 2010 04:40 am (UTC) (Expand)
Embellishedembe11ished on December 31st, 2010 01:51 am (UTC)
That's hilarious! I think you handled it really well, considering. But for your sake, I also hope Nolan gets to answer any further questions. :)
Carrie Leigh: if the kids aren't deadcarrie_leigh on December 31st, 2010 04:28 am (UTC)
ME, TOO. :)
rupert_talley: Thumper animated laughingrupert_talley on December 31st, 2010 02:09 am (UTC)
OMG What a moment! You handled that very well. My mom would've thrown a brick at the tv and said "go to your room!" lol

Have a Happy New Year!
Carrie Leigh: Chocolate puddingcarrie_leigh on December 31st, 2010 04:29 am (UTC)

You, too!
Kate: Screw-Up Fairymugglechump on December 31st, 2010 03:40 am (UTC)
Oh, those conversations are never easy. They are amusing from the outside though. ;D You did good.
Carrie Leigh: pinata hatecarrie_leigh on December 31st, 2010 04:31 am (UTC)

He later made the connection that HE was a virgin.

I just agreed and moved on. I want him to stop saying the word 'virgin.'

Jandy the Gnome Whisperer: Tracey - Giddyjandjsalmon on December 31st, 2010 04:20 am (UTC)

Jay was the one who had to sit down and explain 'sex' to Scott and Ben. He figured Scott's in 4th grade and will hear about it at school sooner (rather than later - if he hadn't heard it already - and we'd rather have him hear it from US than anyone else, right?) but yeah - JAY had to tell him. I'm lucking out until Bethy turns 12 and I have to explain the whole time of the month thing.
Carrie Leigh: lady of the lakecarrie_leigh on December 31st, 2010 04:40 am (UTC)
Well, good luck to you in another eight(?) years.

(no subject) - jandjsalmon on December 31st, 2010 04:41 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - carrie_leigh on December 31st, 2010 04:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - jandjsalmon on December 31st, 2010 04:44 am (UTC) (Expand)
Not a lady at allcosmo_jenny on December 31st, 2010 02:53 pm (UTC)
Out of the mouth of babes, and then boys for that matter.

I loved that scene in the movie.
Charlie FTW.
Carrie Leighcarrie_leigh on December 31st, 2010 03:50 pm (UTC)
Charlie totally rocks.

It's Alice, then Charlie, then Jasper, Emmett and everyone else, for me. :)
(no subject) - cosmo_jenny on December 31st, 2010 03:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
lovedbygod2lovedbygod2 on December 31st, 2010 05:18 pm (UTC)
please don't be upset if I tell you that, that was hilarious - but I think you handled it so very well!!
Carrie Leigh: carrieleigh flowerscarrie_leigh on December 31st, 2010 05:24 pm (UTC)
No, I'm not upset. I realize that it's funny for everyone who's not me. :D
nbaeker: efrayim maxnbaeker on December 31st, 2010 08:29 pm (UTC)
Oh man. The things I get to look forward to....
Carrie Leigh: dastardly plancarrie_leigh on December 31st, 2010 09:53 pm (UTC)
Buckle up buttercup, it's coming!
O Demanding One: Express: Content ♥  Blinking Little Girlheyurs on December 31st, 2010 09:30 pm (UTC)

Ohmygoodness, I love that sweet AJ! He is absolutely adorable. I could just squeeze him, Carrie! xD

Old and married...Amen! *LOL*

YAY! Dad is there! I know you're happy. *hugs you* ♥

Carrie Leighcarrie_leigh on December 31st, 2010 09:53 pm (UTC)
I am happy. And grateful. :)
seegrim: Aladdin 'oh' faceseegrim on December 31st, 2010 09:50 pm (UTC)
Hahahahaha. Love that.
Carrie Leigh: Carrie green applescarrie_leigh on December 31st, 2010 09:52 pm (UTC)

Happy New Year, you.