Carrie Leigh (carrie_leigh) wrote,
Carrie Leigh

Tips for Dating

I ran across these pictures that might be from the late fifties, perhaps the early sixties? I was amazed at how dead on the advice was. I've added a bit of my own as well, so all you single girls, or you married gals looking to trade up (har dee har), here's some sage advice from Carrie.

First:  Get a boudoir.  I want one.  Seriously.  Getting dressed in one of those probably will make you that much more attractive.  Secondly, in my experience, girls that get dressed in front of their dates aren't too worried about giving up the farm, if you know what I mean.  And any man worth his salt will be THRILLED if you're wearing garters and stockings.  What's wrong with this goob? I agree with the caption, though.  Don't keep him waiting.  Unless of course, you're not done getting ready.  Or you want him to sweat it out a little.  Or you're kind of saddistic.  And by all means, greet him with a smile.  Unless he's this guy, in which case I'd greet him with a beer to loosen him up and mess up his hair a little.

Then wash my hands to get the Bryll cream off.  Blergh.

Okay, who taught this girl to sit on a couch?  After the garter thing, if she's sitting like this, the guy's thinking, am I being punked?  So he tries to set an example for how she's supposed to sit.  Or maybe he thinks they've reversed roles.  Be alert!  By all means, especially on a first date.  Falling asleep on first dates leads to all sorts of unpleasantness.  And I say that you can chew gum if you want.  But don't pop it, unless you want some old lady sitting next to you in the theatre who's had one too many Botox injections to tell you to spit your gum out before the show even starts.

I could be projecting, here.

But rule of gum is:  Don't look like a cow.  And frankly?  Dude looks like he might be able to use a little gum.  He still needs to loosen up.

And by all means, when dancing, throw your arm up in the air with flair.  And leave room for the Holy Spirit.

Unless, of course, "dancing" is a metaphor for something altogether different (nudgenudgewinkwink), then you married girls get after it.  And if you FIND a man who can talk and dance at the same time, run, do not walk to the nearest alter and find whatever priest, pastor, shaman or medicine man to make him yours.  Those guys are rare.

He's not even "the" man..  he's just "man."  It does annoy Nolan very much when I use the mirror (even the one on my sun visor) in the car, but that's one of those things that I think makes him stronger.  Men need a little adversity in their lives.  That's what God put us there for.  That, or to be a helpmate.  I forget which.

Well, I think caressing is alright (within certain public parameters), but you definitely have to be married over ten years to dig around in his ear in public.  Look how much JOY she gets from sticking her finger in his ear!  And dude doesn't like it.  You can tell they aren't married.  If they were, he'd have a resigned, 'get this over with' look on his face.

*falls on the floor laughing*

I'm sorry.  I agree.  You don't cry in public.

But come ON.  Crying is all we've got, sometimes!  I'm not saying you pull it out it every single, solitary time;  it's definitely a last resort sort of thing, and should be used judiciously.  Honestly, it makes me wonder what Girl in Bad Hat and Man are talking about on the first date here.

Girl in Bad Hat.
  I LOVE you!

Man.  We just met ten minutes ago.

Girl in Bad Hat.  But I LOVE you!

Man.  You're a fruitcake.

Girl in Bad Hat.  (starts to sob)  You're a cad!  If you don't say it back I'm going to take off my hat and make you sit with my HAT HAIR for the rest of the night!

Man.  This iced tea is not going to be strong enough.  (holds up hand) Waiter?

I say if you're wearing a gown, you deserve to talk about it.  And you can flatter your date by talking about what he wants to talk about, unless it's football, work, fantasy baseball, things he finds annoying, the Dow Jones, his views on foreign oil, or anything else boring.  If you want him to tune you out completely, the words "Strappy Sandals" do it every time.  It's like a date sleeping pill.

Right now, dude is thinking, "If I can get her to have four more of these, I can dump her off and be done with it all."

Does drinking make ANYONE more clever?  I don't get more clever, I get more chatty.  And handsy.  And fun.  But unless your date likes these things, you shouldn't do it.

And a piece of advice?  Never, ever, EVER have more than five shots of tequila in one night.  Because seventeen years later, you still won't be able to stand the smell of the stuff without the memory of being sick in your own purse in a Kroger parking lot and thus you'll never be able to have a margarita for the rest of your life.**

So that's it!  Hope this helps all you single girls out there!  And maybe a few of you married girls!  Happy dating!

**The only real piece of advice in this whole post.  And it's the God's honest truth, y'all.
Tags: free advice, fun, i might be crazy, picture

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