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10 May 2010 @ 07:27 pm
Adventures in Marriage - "Ah'm Thmart About Thum Thangth!"  
This is a story about the differences between women and men. Wait, not that kind. If you need that, go find another website. This will be safe enough for the kids at home.

Mostly.

Let me preface this by saying that my husband is a brilliant man. He's an Electrician and Electrical Contractor, runs a business and manages the forty employees or so in our company, and he can do math in his head that for me would require a pencil, paper, calculator and I'd also have to remove both my shoes so I could count on my toes, too.

Words, though, aren't his thing. He likes to read, but don't expect him to read anything quickly. I, on the other hand, took speed reading as an elective once upon a time, so rarely do I read everything word for word. I have to make myself slow down and take extra pleasure in a book that I'm reading for fun. The result is that Nolan's retention of what he reads is nearly 100% where mine somewhere around the 50% mark.

My story today, though, begins almost twelve years ago. We were on the very first business trip as a newly married couple. We were meeting his clients in a delicatessen in San Antonio, TX for dessert after dinner. Nolan has a habit of reading sign aloud, like that old guy in Forget Paris (it's one of his quirks) and as were passing a store for grills and outdoor furniture, he says aloud, "Bar Buh Quay."

I look at the sign, raise an eyebrow and ask, "Barbeque?"

Nolan frowns and blushes before he tries to play it cool. Because he is so smart, it must be hard to be wrong, and because he was embarrassed, I've exploited this incident at every possible opportunity during the rest of our marriage, probably losing a few jewels in my crown in the meantime (but hey, I say God awards points for the funny stuff. Man I hope so). And often times the nickname I call my husband, "Hey, bar-buh-quay!" is freaking hysterical, especially if you're me.

There have been exactly two other instances successive to "Bar-buh-quay," the sort that leave me in a puddle of helpless laughter on the floor, clutching my sides from giggling so hard. The first happened about five years ago. We're frequent visitors to the Drive In in the summertime; you get two movies for the price of one, the concession stand is cheap and fabulous, and it was free for the kids when they were little. Now AJ conks out in the backseat about 8:30, and doesn't bother anyone else but us with all the snoring. My point is (did I have a point? Oh, yeah.) they have a marquis on which they advertise their movies that you can see from the highway. Currently is says Iron Man 2 and How to Train Your Dragon, but when we were going past the sign one day, it read, "Open Seven Days a Week."

Nolan read the sign aloud, as he is wont to do, and then murmurs, "I wonder what that's about."

I just stared at him for a moment, and he looked guilelessly back at me until I said, "Open Seven Days a Week is not the name of a movie." Nolan's head hit the steering wheel in frustration and he was so mad that he didn't speak for quite a while. My laughter filled the silence, though. Rest assured.

Fast forward to our recent romantic getaway to San Fransisco. We sit in a very posh, five star restaurant, and Nolan's already had several glasses of wine, followed by a gin and tonic, and as we sit at our linen clothed table with its candle light and wine lists, we hold hands while we decide what to have. Several suggestions are thrown out; we like to share, so it's very important that we don't get the same thing. It's a fancy shmancy menu, and I explained what aioli and frisee were and we talk about what swiss chard is, and Nolan decides that he's going to have the "tenderloin with 'chee vay' aioli."

I look at the menu, raise my eyebrow and ask, "Chive?"

He immediately sets his jaw and gets that mad look on his face before starting to laugh himself, giving the excuse that there were so many unfamiliar words on the menu, he was trying to make it harder than it was. I was nearly making a scene I was laughing so hard, to which he replies, "You're going to get a lot of mileage out of this one, aren't you?"

I couldn't answer. I couldn't breathe through all the laughing, but I manage to stutter, "No, Chee-vay. I wouldn't do that."

It might be genetic, come to think of it; some years ago when his family was watching Jaws on TV, in the part where Richard Dreyfuss lowers the safety cage into the water, my very smart and put together Mother-in-law says, "They can't put that shark in that cage."

I'm going to let that sink in for a second.

Though this happened probably nearly twenty years ago, it is now the pat response in the family when anyone says anything mildly stupid. You ask an obvious question at a family gathering? The safe bet is that the answer will be "You can't fit that shark in that cage."

When I bring these things up: "Bar-buh-quay," "Open seven days a week" and now "Chee-vay", Nolan's response is to say, "You're short, you can't do math, and you have no sense of direction."

I smile in response because these things are very true, but in no way do they cause me enough pain that I'm EVER going to give up the joy of teasing him.

I don't know if this will be funny to anyone else but me. :D But I think it's stinking hysterical.
 
 
I am:: the settee
I feel:: calmcalm
I hear:: NCIS
 
 
 
WolfStar: despicablewolfstar07 on May 11th, 2010 01:06 am (UTC)
Oh, it's definitely funny. My parents are like that too.
Carrie Leigh: Epic in scopecarrie_leigh on May 11th, 2010 01:13 pm (UTC)
I'm glad other people are. It gives me hope.
Elle Blessingway: SMG Smile!!elle_blessing on May 11th, 2010 01:12 am (UTC)
I giggled several times and Matt asked if I was alright XD

Thanks for sharing these little gems. HEEEEEE.
Carrie Leigh: Always forgivecarrie_leigh on May 11th, 2010 01:12 pm (UTC)
You're welcome! I do enjoy a good story.
Hyacinth Girl: 9/4/06 Weddingeustacia_vye28 on May 11th, 2010 01:23 am (UTC)
Definitely funny. :)

It's great to have a sense of humor in a marriage. I'm convinced that's how it lasts so long.
Carrie Leigh: advice in bad prosecarrie_leigh on May 11th, 2010 01:11 pm (UTC)
If you can't laugh, you may as well just hang it up, you know?
Not a lady at all: hp: avadacosmo_jenny on May 11th, 2010 10:22 am (UTC)
"You can't do math" is not an character fail.
Being able to do math is like having an IQ above 150 or something.
Carrie Leigh: bad examplecarrie_leigh on May 11th, 2010 01:11 pm (UTC)
He knows, that, Jenny. That's what makes it funny. To us.
O Demanding One: Spring/Summer: More Balloonsheyurs on May 11th, 2010 05:23 pm (UTC)

Aw! NK is just too sweet, Carrie. You laugh with no mercy, huh? *g* Bless him.

Carrie Leigh: Ethan=Little Dracocarrie_leigh on May 12th, 2010 12:13 am (UTC)
Trust me, he dishes it out often enough. I just can't hold back the giggles on these. I'm all kinds of merciful.
O Demanding One: Express: Oops!  Poohheyurs on May 12th, 2010 12:16 am (UTC)

OK, OK. *g*

Mala13oct on May 11th, 2010 05:58 pm (UTC)
I giggled aloud while reading this. Several times. :) R even asked me what's so funny.

PS: "You're short, you can't do math, and you have no sense of direction." - er... Nolan just described me as well. LOL!
Carrie Leigh: baseball hatcarrie_leigh on May 12th, 2010 12:14 am (UTC)
It's nice to know I have company! I could get turned around in my own backyard, seriously.
deedsk_tx on May 12th, 2010 05:31 pm (UTC)
Glad to know the love is still alive and kickin' in the Huckabay marriage!!
Carrie Leigh: He was handsome with heartburncarrie_leigh on May 21st, 2010 08:44 pm (UTC)
Oh, it is. It is...
nolankyle on May 21st, 2010 08:09 pm (UTC)
This is not appropriate...
1. Frankly, I am offended.
B. My feeling is hurt and I will no longer be associated with a group of people who would stoop to this level.

Sia-anara -that's Japanese for "Those of you who think my lack of correct pronunciation skills is funny, you can all kiss my ass". Tootles.

I'm just kidding guys. I actually have two feelings and caring about pronouncing words correctly ain't one of them. If you can't laugh at yourself you're not trying hard enough.

the Husband
aka Bar-buh-quay, aka "Open seven days a week", aka "Chee-vay" aka son of "You can't fit that shark in that cage"

I hope mom hits you with a shoe. She's deadly accurate.
Carrie Leigh: Grammar Snarkcarrie_leigh on May 21st, 2010 08:43 pm (UTC)
Re: This is not appropriate...
Sayonara. It's spelled sayonara, you hayseed.

Your mother won't hit me with a shoe. She loves me.

:D

Are you coming home at all tonight before your poker game?