Log in

No account? Create an account
28 December 2009 @ 10:29 pm
My kids are with the in-laws for a few days and since I've been alone, I've had time to be very thoughty today, which isn't always necessarily a good thing.

Though I'm a solitary creature by nature, I also have a social side. I had a friend once tell me that relationships are cyclical. That we evolve and mature and move on, and sometimes move past the people that we were once close to.

I know that sometimes that relationships are bound by time, that sometimes due to family or other time constraints or distance, or lack of like interests, people are unable to remain close. I can understand that. It's a fault of mine, as well. A lot of my friends have gone by the wayside because of this.

I'm not talking about marriage, either. For me that's a covenant, not merely a relationship. It's a relationship I choose every day. Plus he's right here next to me, and too loud to ignore. ;)

But the people right here in my town? What do i do about them? It makes me wonder, as I blow through friendships left and right, if I'm not doing something wrong? Maybe I need to make more of an effort? But you can only give so much, you know? You can only put yourself out there so much without receiving anything in return. Maybe I'm bad company. That's possible. That sounded maudlin and self pitying, and I'm really not feeling that way at all. I'm pretty happy, actually. Just thoughty.

Ah, well. The kids are going to be gone for a few more days and I have a lot of time to sort through these thoughts, and maybe call a few of these estranged friends of mine to go have lunch. Or maybe not. I'm kind of alright by myself, too. :)
I am:: bed
I feel:: quixoticquixotic
I hear:: The Office
Alluring_Twilight: RH Will Hugalluringt_light on December 29th, 2009 05:06 am (UTC)
*hugs* I don't think you're doing anything wrong/there is anything wrong with you. :) I think its just how it is sometimes. You just drift apart.

I've started to notice that, only a mere 7 weeks after my last year 12 exam, I've drifted away from my friends. As we're not pushed together by school, its harder to catch up with them.
dragonsangel68: Hugsdragonsangel68 on December 29th, 2009 05:29 am (UTC)
I don't think it's anything that anyone does, people just move through our adult lives. In reality, there's probably very little tying us to anyone other than our spouses and children once we reach a certain age.
seegrim: demented dwarvesseegrim on December 29th, 2009 06:07 am (UTC)
You don't know how much I hate how circumstances have pulled us apart, Carrie. Hrm... actually, I think you probably do. :)

I hate having to work, I hate not having my life I had until a a year or so ago and I hate not being better at time management. (Sorry for all the hating).

As for local friends, you know, I have a hard time keeping up with everyone too. There are just so many people and not enough time. One thing though, is that I always feel better after having gone out with them.

I'm not happy with all the missing I'm doing of you (both as in coming online as you're leaving, and the actual missing you) but I'm really hoping that things will settle down here soon. My fingers are crossed. Until then, once again, miss you & love you.

p.s. Your new layout is so cute! :D
tracyj23: Pretties - live/love/laughtracyj23 on December 29th, 2009 01:58 pm (UTC)
I think I tend to be much like you, solitary by nature and thoroughly enjoying being alone, but still liking to be able to connect with friends when I feel the need to chat.

I do, though, hold friendships in very high regard and generally tend to put them above nearly all else, so even if I don't WANT to respond to people or want to have time to myself, if I feel like someone needs me to be there, then I'm there. For me, friendship is a very strong bond with someone and I treat it with prime importance. (Below family of course, they always come first.) Which often makes me sad as others don't see it the same way I do and don't treat me with the same care I give them, even people I consider closest.

But you can only give so much, you know? You can only put yourself out there so much without receiving anything in return.

And this is very true too. It is a two way street and when you're the one doing all the moving and the other person is just sitting there waiting for you ... it does make you question why you bother expending all that effort on someone who isn't willing to return it. Which is not really a big issue for me in the "personal friends in my community" but definitely is online here on LJ. I put myself out there, both in posting a lot about my life and in reading and trying to be a part of my friends' lives, and often feel like I get next to nothing in return.

Friendships do evolve and change over time as do all of us personally, and I guess it's normal sometimes for people to grow apart as their tastes change, or to drift as they realize that their expectations for what "friendship" means are too different to reconcile. I think it's important to spend time thinking about which people REALLY matter to us and those are the people we should be making the most effort on. We can't be and do everything for everyone and some friends just have to fall by the wayside. Better to have a couple of really close friends than a hundred people you talk to once a year who are nice to visit socially but really, are they friends?
Hyacinth Girl: Dokuro Chaneustacia_vye28 on December 29th, 2009 02:29 pm (UTC)
I've had the same thoughts about friendships. Sometimes you get caught up in things and don't reach out on a regular basis to people. Then again, they could reach out to you if they really wanted to. Friendships are a two way street, after all. It can't be all you all the time.

I've come to think that perhaps you meet people when you need to, and things fade when they need to as well. People are in your life for a reason, and they move out of your life for a reason as well.
Jessica K Malfoy: disney: mary poppinsjessicakmalfoy on December 30th, 2009 04:05 am (UTC)
Plus he's right here next to me, and too loud to ignore. ;)

haha! that's cute.

i'm pretty sure we all face that with relationships. there are people, even family members (cousins, in my case), who i just don't have a relationship with anymore. in this case it's because we no longer have anything in common except for the fact that we are related and she's such a downer i just can't be around her. another friend of mine moved last year to phoenix which is only about 7 hours away from me but when we visit i realize we have just grown completely apart.

i guess that's just life. it's always good to try to rekindle things, but if it doesn't work, i'd just have to let it go.

deedsk_tx on December 30th, 2009 07:31 pm (UTC)

I love what eustacia_vye28 said: I've come to think that perhaps you meet people when you need to, and things fade when they need to as well. People are in your life for a reason, and they move out of your life for a reason as well.

I think you came into my life at a time when we both needed a wonderful friend that would stand the test of time. And even-though there have been years that we don't keep in touch, we have gotten closer the past year because we do need our friendship.

Don't beat yourself up about those "in town" that you are not keeping up friendships with. Do you know how many friends of mine live within 20 miles of me and I never speak to them or see them? It is normal and you cherish and work so hard on the relationships you want- you need- so let those lasting friendships grown and don't sweat the other ones!!

I do wish I lived in town with you guys!!!
*hugs* and stop being so thoughty!!
O Demanding One: Encourage: Live Laugh Love ♥  :)heyurs on December 31st, 2009 04:20 am (UTC)

Mmmmm...OK, yeah.   *nods*