July 29th, 2010

dastardly plan

A Ten on the Weird-O-Meter

I've wondered about the strange phone calls we've been receiving lately.

I'm totally a call screener. I loathe talking on the phone normally, so I don't answer unless I really want to talk to you, or in the case of my husband, who won't be put off by not getting me on the phone; he'll just call my cell and then badger me with emails until I respond.

Love you, husband. Mean it.

Anyhow, now it all makes sense. A bail bondsman evidently is listed somewhere (newspaper? Phone book? I forgot to ask) with our home phone number. I just got a call from a very nice woman who told me that the problem is being fixed.

It makes this exchange not so weird:

(Phone rings, I uncharacteristically answer)

Me. Hello?

Caller. Yeah, I wondered how much you'd give me for my 1994 [model of] boat.

Me. Excuse me?

Caller. Do you take boats as collateral?

Me. What? I think you have the wrong number.

Caller. (swears and hangs up)

Just so you all know, I will not be coerced by any four letter words into buying any of your boats, cars, houses, etc. or loaning out any money for you or your loved ones to get out of jail. Call me selfish, but it's just not happening.

Or maybe I should just start a new career? Thoughts?