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25 July 2009 @ 10:56 pm

I like to think I have a rather easygoing disposition. Maybe too much so - I'm profoundly uncomfortable with disagreement. I don't argue. I don't fight. I don't like debate. Though, I feel like normally I can see both sides of an issue pretty well. It's not as if I have an opinion and am too scared or choose not to share it, I'm simply ambivalent most of the time. Honestly? I don't care. Either that or I'm crippled by the decision making process. (But only in things like what restaurant to go to or what I'm going to write. Nothing truly important.)

When I do have an opinion, and I think the person I'm talking to can handle it, I share it. If not, I just keep quiet.

However, there are people in my life who seem to have a pathological need to share an opinion. Who adore debate. Who think that a down and dirty, scrappy, no-holds-barred, fight to the finish sounds like a great way to spend an afternoon.

So how do I meet those needs since I'm the complete opposite of that personality? How do I meet them in the middle? Because honestly? It's becoming a bit of an issue for me.

And I think we can all agree I certainly don't need any more issues. :P

Tags: pontification

I am:: in bed

I feel:: sleepy

sleepy

I hear:: Star Trek - Generations

12 comments | Leave a comment

12 comments —

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

seegrim on July 26th, 2009 04:23 am (UTC)

So how do I meet those needs since I'm the complete opposite of that personality?

-Ear plugs?

*hugs you*

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carrie_leigh on July 26th, 2009 02:35 pm (UTC)

Ear plugs 24/7? It's a thought.

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mugglechump on July 26th, 2009 04:30 am (UTC)

I suppose it depends how close you are to the person, what the topics up for debate are, and how well they'd 'handle' your opinion. I'm a big debater when it comes to politics, but when commenting on things like personal relationships, I'm more likely to listen and remain rather non-committal unless I think I'm close enough to the person that I feel like I can disagree with them without it becoming a larger issue because most of the time it just isn't worth the potential for hurt feelings and drama.

(And I totally hear you on the restaurant selection. Half the time we head out and don't know where we're going until someone gets fed up and says 'Just turn left!')

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carrie_leigh on July 26th, 2009 02:33 pm (UTC)

This person argues about everything. Just for the joy of doing so.

And I'm close. Very close. Like - "can't get out of the relationship without a lawyer" close.

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jandjsalmon on July 26th, 2009 05:26 am (UTC)

Ooh I can RELATE, sister! Though my problem is that I have the opinions and would probably want to argue how right I am - but I'm such a people pleaser that I'd rather just bend over backwards for other people to like me.

Hrm - now how to help? Are they asking you to see everything from their view? Do you feel put in the middle? Or is it just that you want to be able to relate to them better? (and seriously - if it's me putting you there - just tell me to shut the frak up and I'll take the hint) ;)

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carrie_leigh on July 26th, 2009 02:31 pm (UTC)

No, this is a 'real life' issue.

I just want to be able to be what they need. And this is a part of me that's in deficit, I guess.

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jandjsalmon on July 26th, 2009 11:37 pm (UTC)

Maybe all they need is a friend to vent to? I can't see them thinking it's a deficit at all. We all have our talents and being 'that person' might not be YOU. *hugs you* I'll pray really hard that you get the answers that you need.

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carrie_leigh on July 27th, 2009 02:23 am (UTC)

Oh, it's a deficit. They've informed me of it.

I've thought about hiring someone, or us hanging out with someone who could meet that need; it makes me sad and or uncomfortable to be around confrontation. I get ALL wound up.

Thanks for the prayer, though. I can use all I can get.

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jandjsalmon on July 27th, 2009 02:29 am (UTC)

THEY INFORMED YOU?

Is there any way you can take a step back from this person and keep yourself from getting invested at ALL?

:(

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dragonsangel68 on July 26th, 2009 09:33 am (UTC)

Don't give them the satisfaction of making you uncomfortable; walk away or treat the situation with casual humor.

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carrie_leigh on July 26th, 2009 02:34 pm (UTC)

So far, that's what I've been doing.

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goeungurl on July 27th, 2009 04:57 am (UTC)

If you can't get away from the person, you really care about that person, then tell them how you feel but agree to meet them halfway? Tell them that you'll debate this for 20 min but that you're walking away after that. And that they shouldn't get offended if you choose to walk away.

I don't now. Sounds like a rough situation. All I can really offer are my prayers and a listening ear. *hugs*

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