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30 June 2009 @ 04:00 pm
Woodland creatures, you're on notice.  
So much to blog about, so little drive to move my fingers on the keyboard.

I could tell you about the ongoing Orwellian nightmare that is the patch of earth around our house, or give you folks a new chicken recipe that rocks.

I'll start with one, and then see if my attention holds to the other for later.

Let me tell you about last Tuesday.

I did post that day, but it was absolutely horrific on many levels. The one I'm most concerned about, though, is the inundation of my front and back gardens with (disgusted voice) woodland creatures. Nolan jokes that I enjoy the outdoors as much as anyone - provided it's through a pane of glass in the climate controlled environment, preferably with someone bringing me something cold to drink. I always thought he was exaggerating; I mean, I'm not much of a camper, because having all of your possessions that make you comfortable inside your house and taking them outside is just... mind blowing to me, but I like to go for walks, and I like the flower beds and so forth.

What I do not enjoy, though, is the wildlife that thinks my yard is still their home. I don't care if it was theirs for the past however many years. I pay a buttload of money to Wachovia Bank to purchase my little acre and a half, and I'll be damned if I want those creatures still on it. Forgive the horrifically politically incorrect allusion, but consider me the white man, and all the non-humans on the premises the Native Americans. Y'all go find yourself a reservation across the street, cause this girl's patch of grass is henceforth OFF LIMITS TO YOU.

I told you about the birds, right? After a bit of research, I found out that they are indeed called yellow-bellied flycatchers, and they are extremely protective of their nest. I know this not from Wikipedia, but unfortunately, from experience. I was weeding the flower bed, minding my own damn business, when I saw the birds swooping down and doing fly-bys at the dogs. Now, the dogs were unmoved by the whole situation, they cared not even a little bit that these brids were dive bombing them. I swear I thought I saw Katie sneer once. Anyway, I was pretty sure that the birds weren't getting close enough to hurt the dogs, so I continued across the yard, doing my thing. It was then, that I heard them chattering again, and when I looked up, I was nearly face to face with a diving bird.

Now, gentle reader, think about how you feel when a rather large insect comes at your head. I don't know about you, but I bob and weave and sort of bat my hands around (As if the insect will sense that my hands are a wicked instrument of terror and must be avoided at all costs). Well I did that.

And then with the next swoop down, I HIT THE DECK. Flat out, face in the mulch. That's humbling, let me tell you. (Especially with Frank giving me one of his LOOKS.) I swear, there was a manic glint in that bird's eye. I think he wanted to kill me. But as I outweigh it by... let's just say A LOT, I quickly recovered. And got my camera.

Look at him. Flapping his wings at me like he was all something. I'm gonna let him slide, because I discovered he and his punk friend has a nest of eggs in the tree that I was working beside.

Harumph, I say. HARUMPH.

THEN, I leave the relative safety of back yard to go to the front, where just three days earlier, I has seen a Basilisk big ass snake on the front porch. I don't have to tell you, I was wary. I think you might have been, too, so when I put my hand out ro pull a weed and something moved, I screamed and flailed and jumped back.

My neighbors must have a great time telling their friends about the crazy lady that lives next door.

In any case, it wasn't a snake, it was this guy:

I'm calling him Trevor. He's HUGE. I mean, for a frog. Or toad. Or whatever. (The know-it-all neighbor girl Blakely, assures me that he's a toad. *eyeroll*) You know what? It doesn't make a spit of difference to me.

I kinda like Trev. He's shy.

I've decided he can stay.

But the dirt daubers and snakes and bumblebees and wasps and freaking obnoxious BIRDS? (Once the eggs hatch - I'm not a monster) Consider this your courtesy call. You are no longer needed to fulfill a purpose at this address. Don't let the door hit ya on the ass on the way out.

Not that they're inside, but, you know, whatever.
I hear:: Two Days in February - The Goo Goo Dolls
Laura: poorlittlebunnydream_mancer on June 30th, 2009 09:02 pm (UTC)
How the hell did you survive in Conway? LOL
Carrie Leigh: The Winchesters look disgustedcarrie_leigh on June 30th, 2009 09:06 pm (UTC)
Well, I was two years old, and unable to appropriately voice my disgust at my surroundings.

dragonsangel68: Ewan Buggerdragonsangel68 on June 30th, 2009 11:36 pm (UTC)
The birds I could handle, but the toad... *squeals* Trevor would have been issued an eviction notice before he was named *nods*

How brave are you going to garden in the front after a Basilisk had been there? I wouldn't have even considered it until winter!
Carrie Leigh: carrie blue bowcarrie_leigh on July 4th, 2009 02:22 am (UTC)
I'm very, very wary of going out there. And I jump at the least little thing!
seegrim: ooh!seegrim on July 1st, 2009 12:50 am (UTC)
*dies laughing*

You really have a gift for taking the mundane and making it hilarious. You're the best. :)
Carrie Leigh: hugcarrie_leigh on July 4th, 2009 02:22 am (UTC)
No, YOU'RE the best. :)
seegrim: ladiesseegrim on July 4th, 2009 05:22 am (UTC)
Should I be polite and deny it?

*laughs and runs away*

*loves you*
O Demanding One: Express: Holy Crap!  Poohheyurs on July 1st, 2009 01:21 am (UTC)

I am with you on those blessed birds! Ohmygoodness! :O They give me the gollywobbles like nobody's business. *shudders* You sure are handling this pretty well.

I would keep Trevor, too. He's pretty harmless, but as for the rest of them...Off with you, you terrible beasties! AAAARRRRGGGHHH!

Carrie Leigh: Pansy Post itcarrie_leigh on July 4th, 2009 02:22 am (UTC)
I know! *frowns* They're YUCK.
Leigh: Gryffindorleigh_adams on July 1st, 2009 03:07 am (UTC)
Awww, Trevor's cute! (For a toad, at least).

And count your blessings, for it could be worse. One of your boys could have done like my hellion angel of a brother did and bring that toad inside the house.

And then you could have been going along like me, unaware that there was a toad in the house (namely by the backdoor), until something goes SQUISH under your bare foot.

Yes, that did happen to me. >.
Carrie Leigh: C is for Carriecarrie_leigh on July 4th, 2009 02:25 am (UTC)
One little girl brought a HORNED TOAD (endangered species) INTO MY LIVING ROOM.

I screamed and repeatedly asked her to leave. She thought I was kidding until one of the boys said, "No, Mary, Kate, we really need to GO."

If I'd stepped on one? Oh, HELL no. Someone would be paying for that.
raspberry_rave on July 1st, 2009 05:53 am (UTC)
Birds can be really vicious, but they do keep the insect population down. It's all about food chains, Carrie, food chains. ;)
Carrie Leigh: *pokes tongue*carrie_leigh on July 4th, 2009 02:26 am (UTC)
Mmmm. Okay, I'll try to keep that in mind when they're trying to kill me.

Carmenhumbuggirl on July 1st, 2009 08:53 pm (UTC)
Aw, the birds are kind of pretty. :p
Carrie Leigh: Slytherin ru gonna drink that?carrie_leigh on July 4th, 2009 02:27 am (UTC)
Have one dive bomb at your head and see how pretty you think they are when they want some of your hair for their nest!

The yellow is nice, I guess. :)
(Anonymous) on July 1st, 2009 11:19 pm (UTC)
Sometimes I have to wonder if I have ever had any influence or had any genetic impact on you at ALL!
I love U bunches,
Your wildlife lovin' Mom
Carrie Leigh: my idea of houseworkcarrie_leigh on July 4th, 2009 02:28 am (UTC)
Re: genes

No, apparently not. Better luck next go round!

Love you,

Your climate controlled loving daughter