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19 March 2009 @ 11:31 am
Introspection shared  
Hello, all!

I've been slowly coming down from the craziness of my life for the last two months; luckily, this was the boys' spring break from school and we didn't go anywhere or do anything, so I've done a LOT of sleeping in, some chatting and writing, but not very much.  And I've been miserable about responding to comments on my journal and commenting elsewhere.  Forgive me?  I'll drag myself out of my funk and press on, soon, I promise.

If you've ever been in a play, you know where I'm coming from.  You spend weeks and weeks creating a character, nurturing friendships and character relationships, fine tuning moments on stage to be as real as possible, and then after the last ovation, you pack up your makeup, send out all the costumes to be cleaned and pressed, and strike (take apart) the set that has literally been your home for the last month and a half.  And then you say goodbye to all the people that have been your family, knowing full well that this little microcosm of fantasy will never happen again.  Not with these exact people or with this same dynamic.  *sadface*

It's a little depressing.  Of course this isn't the first, and it's certainly not the last time that I'll feel this way, so rest assured that I'll be fine.  When the little boy playing the lead walked off stage for the last time, we were standing there waiting for curtain call and he threw his arms around my neck and said, "I'm going to miss you so much!"

It's moments like that that I'll treasure forever.

So.  I'm ready to jump back into writing.  I've been giving it a shot.  So bear with me, all you folks that I write with.  I'm trying.  I'm just mourning my loss.

And I'm looking forward to the next part with eager anticipation.  Whatever that part might be.
Tags: ,
I am:: bed
I feel:: sadsad
Elle Blessingway: Hugs!Teddyelle_blessing on March 19th, 2009 05:08 pm (UTC)
And then you say goodbye to all the people that have been your family, knowing full well that this little microcosm of fantasy will never happen again. Not with these exact people or with this same dynamic. *sadface*

You know, soccer was like that for me, especially college soccer. Every year the roster changed. Every year, when the magic was over, we all cried because we'd only hoped to have one last game, one last practice together because we all knew that when it was over, we'd never have that same group of people again. It was four months of the most intense, focused, amazing, hard, depressing, joyful, exciting and tough experiences of our lives, all together, and when the whistle blew for the last time signaling the end of the season, there was a part of each of us that mourned it - a lot of us openly with tears.

It's especially poignant for seniors. You know it's the last time you will ever have that, the last time you'll ever be that in shape, the last time you'll ever play at that level of competition, the last time that soccer will ever consume your life this much. So many lasts. It took me almost a year not to be melancholy when I heard songs from our warm-up CD on the radio, of when I saw pictures of that magical time when there was a synergy and family that I loved so much. As a senior graduating from college, likely never to play soccer again except for light, recreational purposes (the sport messed up my back. I was recruited to play semi-pro, but if I want to be able to pick up my kids someday, then I needed to stop and take it easy), it was the mourning of 18 years of time dedicated to excellence in something that I'll probably never do quite the same way ever again.

I TOTALLY know what you're talking about and I give LOTS of *SMOOSHES* to you, Miss Carrie. *loves*
Carrie Leigh: ruby slipperscarrie_leigh on March 19th, 2009 05:13 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the empathy, Elle. :)
Elle Blessingway: Emotions - Assetselle_blessing on March 19th, 2009 05:15 pm (UTC)
Mmmhmm. *points to icon* ;)

nbaeker: dont objectify deannbaeker on March 19th, 2009 07:22 pm (UTC)
ohhhh, I hear you on the acting bit.

... Last play, however, when I was producing and dealing with divas? That was less fun. That I wasn't sad to see end... Although I miss seeing our director twice a week.

Basically, I hear ya, so please, take all the time you need. *nod*
Carrie Leigh: Beautiful Womencarrie_leigh on March 20th, 2009 02:27 am (UTC)
:D Thanks!
Mala13oct on March 19th, 2009 07:40 pm (UTC)

Selfishly though, it's good to have you back!
Carrie Leigh: Carrie frivolitycarrie_leigh on March 20th, 2009 02:27 am (UTC)
It's good to be back! I've missed all you girls!
O Demanding One: Express: Happy Heffalumpheyurs on March 19th, 2009 09:07 pm (UTC)

Well not to sound selfish, but I have enjoyed your adventure. :) Thanks for sharing with us. I think the dress story is by far the best. The fact that Nolan was involved is simply precious to me. ♥

I have missed my Ron and Pansy. ;) *excited*

I'm glad you have this time to sleep in and just get caught up, hon. *nods* Enjoy it.


Carrie Leigh: Zach Gilfordcarrie_leigh on March 20th, 2009 02:29 am (UTC)
You don't sound selfish! I'm glad that you liked reading the posts!

(And Nolan enjoyed the dress thing, too. He still chuckles when I bring it up.)

I've missed Ron and Pansy, too! Well, mainly Ron. :D
O Demanding One: Urs: Icon Whoreheyurs on March 20th, 2009 02:32 am (UTC)

hehe! I did. :D

A beautiful memory for the two of you. ♥

RON! You know I love that boy. xD

Icon luuuurve!

Carrie Leigh: James' Blue Eyescarrie_leigh on March 20th, 2009 02:36 am (UTC)
Isn't he beautiful?

This one is, too. :D
O Demanding One: Urs: I ♥ Fictional Boysheyurs on March 20th, 2009 02:38 am (UTC)

Oh my, yes he is! Mmmmmm! xD

raspberry_rave on March 19th, 2009 10:30 pm (UTC)
*hugs* I miss my Performing Arts group madly, so I get you on the whole loss of family thing. It's like a special camaraderie that you'll never have with anyone else. :) Cheer up soon, sweetie. ♥
Carrie Leigh: hugcarrie_leigh on March 20th, 2009 02:30 am (UTC)
Aw, thanks sweetie!
(Deleted comment)
Carrie Leighcarrie_leigh on March 20th, 2009 01:47 pm (UTC)
It's cruel, in a way, isn't it? Making you take apart the home you've lived in?

Plus, all the manual labor and power tools. :P *shudder*