Carrie Leigh (carrie_leigh) wrote,
Carrie Leigh

No More Emotion Today, Please

So...  I pride myself as being a woman who is in control over my emotions...  (I'm an actress, right?  I can even manufacture them if I choose to...) I have them, I just don't show them to everyone every single moment that they occur.  But this morning, I had a complete and total meltdown.

On the drive to the elementary school, about 10 minutes with traffic, somone had obviously hit and killed a rottweiler puppy (I'm gussing 6 months).  Ethan saw it, and I just reminded him that that is the reason we must keep Katie (our black lab, 8 years old) in the back yard and not let her out.  My breath hitched in my chest, and I kept it together so that Ethan wouldn't start crying (so softhearted, he is) and made a mental note to call the humane society to come pick  up the poor animal when I got home from the grocery store.  
So I get all my errands done in under 50 minutes (with a 4 year-old, thankyouverymuchly) and am standing in line at the post office, when I see the dog again through the plate glass windows.  I turn my back, mail my package (you should be getting it in 4-5 days, Em) and complete the transaction.  I'm walking out the door, steadfastly looking in the other direction from the street, and there is a woman who just starts talking to me.  (This IS little big town Texas, so that happens)  She says, "Oh, look, that woman must've just hit that dog, and she's crying about it."
I know that this is not the case, as the dog has been there for at least an hour and a half, so this must be the owner.  She is driving an old, beat up SUV, painted primer grey and several other colors, has sleep-rumpled hair and is wearing her robe. She is on her phone, slumped over her steering wheel, crying.  I can hear her from 100 yards away.  There are other people who have pulled over to help her, one a sweet little old grandma lady who is standing at her window, patting her and rubbing her back.  I nod at the gossipy woman walking into the post office and get in my car, turning to drive in the opposite direction from all the drama in the street, even if it will take me a couple of extra minutes and more red lights.
Meanwhile, Aaron has seen everything that has gone on in the street.  He asked me "if that dog was sleeping..." and that was it.  I wasn't even looking at the spectacle anymore, but it didn't matter.  My mind rushed to every dog or cat I've had that died or that we had to put down, and I lost it completely.  My empathy for that woman just poured out of me like a faucet.   I had to pull the Suburban over so that I din't crash into something.  Aaron was taking this in stride, as he does so many things, and he asked what was going on.  I explained to him that the dog wasn't sleeping (Really!  I had already explained this ONCE this morning?  Where was he?) 
He said, "But that lady will see her dog again in heaven, right?"
I told him yes.  Of course I told the baby yes.  But I don't know.  I don't know if dogs and cats go to heaven...  I can't think of any scripture right now to back it up, but I truly hope so.  I would be so sad if it were untrue... I want to even lie to myself and say yes.  My heart breaks for this lady.  My eyes are tearing up again as I type this...  which leads me to believe that my hormones might be a little out of whack this week.

Three other things...  what am I going to do if the boy's halloween costumes that I ordered online aren't here by tomorrow?  They were mis-shipped to San Antonio (Oh, only 600 miles away!  That's close!)  Thanks so much!

And I finished A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray.  It's beautifully written and interesting...  I started Rebel Angels (the sequel) immediately.

Kudos to alittleredhood, [info]jakazul , and [info]bouffant_mime .  You guys were awesome!  Congrats and get some rest.

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