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21 December 2008 @ 08:23 am
I don't know where to begin. An horrific adult story, for your Sunday morning reading pleasure.  
So I was in charge of planning the company Christmas party this year. Nolan stole the job from his mother, who I thought was tired of doing it, but as I later found out, he thought it was time that she handed it over.

And then he promptly handed it to me.

Thank you, sweetheart. I love you.

Let me just be the first to tell you, right now, that I didn't want the honor. Even less after I found out he'd ganked it from my MIL, who gets pleasure in planning and hospitality much more than I do.

So in September, I went on a tour of every available hotel ballroom in Amarillo. (Don't scoff. There are a lot.) I had one all chosen, but Nolan called me and said, "I want you to go check out the Discovery Center."

Let me explain. The Discovery Center is like Amarillo's answer to the museum of natural history. The have had exhibits in the past like 'weather' and 'architecture' - how things work, you know? And so I did a walk through, with most of the new exhibit ('Raptors of the Sky' and 'Our Amazing Bodies') under construction. (Yeah, there were a few taxidermied owls. I felt I could soldier through.) It was big enough, it was $300 cheaper than the hotel room, and it was what Nolan suggested. I thought everyone was going to be happy.

Raise your hand if you can see where I made my first mistake.

So for the next three months, I go about the business of securing a caterer, buying gifts and gift certificates for the door prizes, making centerpieces, and trying not to throttle Nolan while he micromanaged it all.

Last night, after making myself pretty and getting a sitter and making a last minute run to get wine glasses and enough wine and beer to get everyone on my f-list trashed several times over, we show up at the Discovery Center, where they'd set up our tables, tablecloths and centerpieces, the buffet line to serve dinner, which smelled lovely, and at first glance, everything looked fine.

And then I looked more closely.

The exhibits which had been under construction when I walked through were now complete.

I should have taken pictures, but I was too horrified.

'Raptors of the sky' had the taxidermied owls, yes, but now as the exhibit was complete, they also had "Owl Buffet" - i.e., WHAT THEY EAT. Which included plates in front of each owl with their diet of choice. Realistic looking fish (not so awful), a few dead mice, (um...) and a DEAD SQUIRREL CURLED UP ON A PLATE, (OMFG) were only a few of the things that horrified me. Also on the list included an owl with the tail and back foot of a mouse hanging out of its mouth, and owl with a smug look (reminiscent of Frank) next to a pile of EIGHT HUNDRED dead mice.

I only wish I were making this up.

There were interactive videos about dissected things and how an owl swoops in for the kill. I won't even go into the 'Our Amazing Bodies' part of the exhibit, but there was a corner about how mammals give birth, 'What is gas?' and a cross section of an actual heart.


All this while we were having our prime rib and stuffed chicken breast. Or trying to, at any rate. I pounded back 3 glasses of wine in quick succession, and tried not to care about the 'owl soup for dinner' jokes my FIL was making.

Yeah, anyway. You live and learn. I've quit the party planning committee, and told Nolan that I'm not doing it next year. I may not even GO to the party. But rest assured, I'll hear jokes about this particular little mistake FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

Yeah, right. Hide and watch. I'll forget, and I'll do it next year, but next year I'll make sure that there are no dead birds and their chosen cuisine anywhere within a mile of the party.

Moral of the story? If you're gonna mess up, kids, mess up BIG. :D
I am:: at the bar
I hear:: Return of the Jedi
Carmenhumbuggirl on December 21st, 2008 03:17 pm (UTC)
It's Frank. He arranged it. He is out to get you after all.

Carrie Leigh: Frank the creepy ass owlcarrie_leigh on December 21st, 2008 03:21 pm (UTC)
Damn. He is an evil mastermind.

But nice to have a little validation, :D
Comic Book Goddess: Gustav - Dark Lord Gustavrainpuddle13 on December 21st, 2008 03:24 pm (UTC)
Apparently Gustav has been giving Frank pointers...
Carrie Leigh: Evil bunniescarrie_leigh on December 21st, 2008 03:27 pm (UTC)

Apparently evil dark lord stuffed duckies will have to be added to the list.
Adelagiaadelagia on December 21st, 2008 03:30 pm (UTC)
You and owls, man. Just not mixy.
Carrie Leigh: Muttleycarrie_leigh on December 21st, 2008 03:33 pm (UTC)
I know.
dragonsangel68: Ewan Buggerdragonsangel68 on December 21st, 2008 03:40 pm (UTC)
*pats* Why did it have to be owls? Really, any other bird wouldn't have been quite so bad for you.
Carrie Leigh: Frank the creepy ass owlcarrie_leigh on December 21st, 2008 03:42 pm (UTC)
I KNOW. Seriously. It was disgusting.
Sharlenemynuet on December 21st, 2008 03:42 pm (UTC)
Oh dear God.
Carrie Leigh: One drink awaycarrie_leigh on December 21st, 2008 03:43 pm (UTC)
I believe that exact phrase left my lips more than once.
(no subject) - mynuet on December 21st, 2008 03:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - carrie_leigh on December 21st, 2008 03:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Jandy the Gnome Whisperer: Celtic Heartjandjsalmon on December 21st, 2008 04:02 pm (UTC)
Awwwww. *pats you* It's all right. I hope that in a few years you'll look back and laugh with the rest of them - but not today. Today - it's horrible!

Can I just say that you are awesome for organizing something so large and that I completely admire you for it? I am in awe of your awesomeness! *hugs you*
Carrie Leigh: Stupid raisins stay out of my cookiescarrie_leigh on December 21st, 2008 04:06 pm (UTC)
I can laugh today, sort of. It's while I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head, but the humor's there. Sort of. :)

And thanks. Apart from all the dead things, it was a nice evening.
Embellishedembe11ished on December 21st, 2008 04:21 pm (UTC)
Oh my gosh! How traumatic! Though very funny, in a twisted sort of way. I hope you manage to see the humor in it eventually. On the other hand, this was a really good way of getting out of having to plan future events! :)
Carrie Leigh: Dean handcarrie_leigh on December 21st, 2008 05:15 pm (UTC)
It is funny. Kinda.

And I doubt this little SNAFU will keep me from having to do it again, sadly.
nbaeker: sam ewnbaeker on December 21st, 2008 04:44 pm (UTC)
Brent would be hearing very clearly the displeasure in my voice if he ever tried something like signing me up when I didn't want to do it.

On top of that..... Owls.
Carrie Leigh: Evil bunniescarrie_leigh on December 21st, 2008 05:13 pm (UTC)
Dude, I know. OWLS.
seegrimseegrim on December 21st, 2008 06:17 pm (UTC)
Oh, Carrie.
Not a lady at all: wordy: doh!cosmo_jenny on December 21st, 2008 07:37 pm (UTC)
Oh my!
That is really... unfortunate.
*pats and hands shot of tequila*
Carrie Leighcarrie_leigh on December 22nd, 2008 04:45 am (UTC)
Unfortunate, indeed.
goeungurl: hugsgoeungurl on December 21st, 2008 09:29 pm (UTC)
Goodness gracious. God have mercy on you. *hugs*
Carrie Leigh: hugcarrie_leigh on December 22nd, 2008 04:45 am (UTC)
Thanks. :)
rupert_talley: Old fashioned Father Christmasrupert_talley on December 21st, 2008 10:40 pm (UTC)
Awww. That was a shock. Who knew you could rent the Discovery Center for that sort of thing? Oh well, memberable night for all. At least no one will forget it.
Carrie Leighcarrie_leigh on December 22nd, 2008 04:46 am (UTC)
No, no one will forget it anytime soon, that's for sure. :)
Hope Leigh: GA - Unamusedhope_fuleigh on December 21st, 2008 11:18 pm (UTC)
You poor thing! Bright side, I'm pretty sure everyone would have known that you wouldn't have booked the venue had you seen the full exhibit. By all accounts, it sounds like it would be a fun and interesting place to host a Christmas party (believe me, I've been to more hotel banquet halls and fancy restaurants, and they're all the same), had they only been displaying a much different exhibit...
Carrie Leighcarrie_leigh on December 22nd, 2008 04:47 am (UTC)
Well, I thought it would be fun... I thought the weather and architecture was interesting...
slitherhither: exhibit_snapeslitherhither on December 21st, 2008 11:26 pm (UTC)
RL: stranger than fiction. But you tell it so well! Thank you for the belly laughs. *still chuckling*

Do I sense a revenge fic brewing? (A girl can hope.)

Carrie Leighcarrie_leigh on December 22nd, 2008 04:47 am (UTC)
I don't think I've got a good enough imagination to make it up. Seriously.

maureen: Draco bw smilemaureen on December 22nd, 2008 12:37 am (UTC)
Holy buggering fuck.
Carrie Leigh: bitter lemonadecarrie_leigh on December 22nd, 2008 04:48 am (UTC)
I think I actually said that last night.