Carrie Leigh (carrie_leigh) wrote,
Carrie Leigh

I don't know where to begin. An horrific adult story, for your Sunday morning reading pleasure.

So I was in charge of planning the company Christmas party this year. Nolan stole the job from his mother, who I thought was tired of doing it, but as I later found out, he thought it was time that she handed it over.

And then he promptly handed it to me.

Thank you, sweetheart. I love you.

Let me just be the first to tell you, right now, that I didn't want the honor. Even less after I found out he'd ganked it from my MIL, who gets pleasure in planning and hospitality much more than I do.

So in September, I went on a tour of every available hotel ballroom in Amarillo. (Don't scoff. There are a lot.) I had one all chosen, but Nolan called me and said, "I want you to go check out the Discovery Center."

Let me explain. The Discovery Center is like Amarillo's answer to the museum of natural history. The have had exhibits in the past like 'weather' and 'architecture' - how things work, you know? And so I did a walk through, with most of the new exhibit ('Raptors of the Sky' and 'Our Amazing Bodies') under construction. (Yeah, there were a few taxidermied owls. I felt I could soldier through.) It was big enough, it was $300 cheaper than the hotel room, and it was what Nolan suggested. I thought everyone was going to be happy.

Raise your hand if you can see where I made my first mistake.

So for the next three months, I go about the business of securing a caterer, buying gifts and gift certificates for the door prizes, making centerpieces, and trying not to throttle Nolan while he micromanaged it all.

Last night, after making myself pretty and getting a sitter and making a last minute run to get wine glasses and enough wine and beer to get everyone on my f-list trashed several times over, we show up at the Discovery Center, where they'd set up our tables, tablecloths and centerpieces, the buffet line to serve dinner, which smelled lovely, and at first glance, everything looked fine.

And then I looked more closely.

The exhibits which had been under construction when I walked through were now complete.

I should have taken pictures, but I was too horrified.

'Raptors of the sky' had the taxidermied owls, yes, but now as the exhibit was complete, they also had "Owl Buffet" - i.e., WHAT THEY EAT. Which included plates in front of each owl with their diet of choice. Realistic looking fish (not so awful), a few dead mice, (um...) and a DEAD SQUIRREL CURLED UP ON A PLATE, (OMFG) were only a few of the things that horrified me. Also on the list included an owl with the tail and back foot of a mouse hanging out of its mouth, and owl with a smug look (reminiscent of Frank) next to a pile of EIGHT HUNDRED dead mice.

I only wish I were making this up.

There were interactive videos about dissected things and how an owl swoops in for the kill. I won't even go into the 'Our Amazing Bodies' part of the exhibit, but there was a corner about how mammals give birth, 'What is gas?' and a cross section of an actual heart.


All this while we were having our prime rib and stuffed chicken breast. Or trying to, at any rate. I pounded back 3 glasses of wine in quick succession, and tried not to care about the 'owl soup for dinner' jokes my FIL was making.

Yeah, anyway. You live and learn. I've quit the party planning committee, and told Nolan that I'm not doing it next year. I may not even GO to the party. But rest assured, I'll hear jokes about this particular little mistake FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

Yeah, right. Hide and watch. I'll forget, and I'll do it next year, but next year I'll make sure that there are no dead birds and their chosen cuisine anywhere within a mile of the party.

Moral of the story? If you're gonna mess up, kids, mess up BIG. :D
Tags: christmas, horrific adult story, nolan

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