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01 December 2008 @ 12:40 pm
Apologies to all readers who work in the dental industry. You're about to be mocked. Hardcore.  
You walk in the door and the torture begins. The canned Christmas music and the receptionist's saccharine grin are almost too much to bear at 8:25 in the morning. And who knew a Muzaked rendition of "O Holy Night' would make me homicidal? Maybe maureen, possibly? Go figure.

The hygienist tries to make conversation while having HER ENTIRE HAND SHOVED IN MY MOUTH, while scraping what I can only assume must be the dental equivalent to superglue from the surfaces of my teeth. She makes a face; I think she's making a face, because her little mask covers her mouth and nose, and she murmurs in a disappointed tone, "Tartar," like some people say, "Apartheid."

She camped out on one tooth for like 15 minutes. How can one have more tartar than another?? EXPLAIN THIS TO ME, PLEASE! Only I couldn't ask, because she had those torture devices shoved in my mouth, and I swear, I think if you move too quickly, they could lop off your tongue AND THEN WHERE WOULD YOU BE?

She looked like a sweet girl, but honestly, who'd want to spend their days inflicting pain, or at the very least intense discomfort, on the people you work with on a daily basis? There's something fundamentally wrong with someone who chooses that as a vocation. I'm sorry. I'm just sayin'.

The sound of the polishing drill thingy seriously makes every hair on every square inch of my body stand on end. It's awful. And the choice of flavors of toothpaste? Strawberry, chocolate or mint? Um, if I want flavor, I'll EAT, thankyouverymuch. I chose mint. You will not ruin chocolate for me, oh dental hygienist from hell.

And the gritty toothpaste that they use? It isn't like normal toothpaste. It has gravel or something in it. Even after the tablespoon of water that they give you to rinse with, later in the day you bite down and it's like, "Damn! A ROCK! FROM THE TOOTHPASTE!"

Then the dentist (who has mild Parkinson's disease, but I've never needed to be drilled on, so I figure I'm good, for now) comes in. He's a very nice man, and asks me HOW I AM. It took a great deal of restraint (of which I don't have a lot of today, apparently) not to say, "I was alright until Suzie (Joseph) Mengele got hold of me. Now I hurt, frankly."

I said that I was well, thank you.

And then he proclaimed me cavity free, so $150 later, I sprinted from the office, comforted that I don't have to do that again 'til June.

Thank GOD.
I am:: at my bar
I feel:: soresore
I hear:: When the Heartache Ends - Rob Thomas
O Demanding One: Express: Grin X)  Snoopyheyurs on December 1st, 2008 07:53 pm (UTC)

I am laughing out loud at work, Carrie. Not at you, of course, but your wonderful description of a horrid situation. *g* I hate the dentist. I wish my hygiene visits were $150. I wish Trei's were $150. *rolls eyes* Highway robbery, I tell ya.

*starts giggling again* x)

Carrie Leighcarrie_leigh on December 1st, 2008 11:35 pm (UTC)
It's $150 because it's in the ghetto, I swear.

Funny, but ALL TRUE.
O Demanding One: Express: Grin X)  Snoopyheyurs on December 2nd, 2008 11:48 pm (UTC)

*snerk* You tickle me! x)

seegrim: boydsmileseegrim on December 1st, 2008 08:17 pm (UTC)
she murmurs in a disappointed tone, "Tartar," like some people say, "Apartheid."


And I hear you loud and clear, babe. I got an email today reminding me it's been six months since my last cleaning... :(
Carrie Leighcarrie_leigh on December 1st, 2008 11:36 pm (UTC)
Oooh. dental emails. I get a card in the mail.
is pretty fucking ninja: sponge bobcaramelsilver on December 1st, 2008 09:32 pm (UTC)
I was at the dentist today too, and I'm going back there in two weeks to drill out TWO cavities!! Woe is me. Luckily, I still don't have to pay for it before 09. Dentist makes me sick. No seriously, I begin shacking all over and a great urge to vomit. And each time I'm sure I'll leave without my tongue.
Carrie Leighcarrie_leigh on December 1st, 2008 11:37 pm (UTC)
OOh. No cavities for me, thankfully. I might have lied when she asked it I flossed, though.
nbaeker: bestpalsnbaeker on December 1st, 2008 09:44 pm (UTC)
Dude, I've not gone to the dentist since before I got married.....


This *points to your entry* explains why, though. :D
Carrie Leighcarrie_leigh on December 1st, 2008 11:38 pm (UTC)
Eeek. Yeah, I understand.
Jessicatudorrose1533 on December 1st, 2008 09:50 pm (UTC)
Wow, I didn't realize people really were scared/bothered by the dentist.

It's always been something I never thought twice about.


Well, I am sorry for your unhappiness. :( I'm sure the hygienist means well...
Carrie Leighcarrie_leigh on December 1st, 2008 11:38 pm (UTC)
You'd think twice about the master of pain that is Suzie the hygienist. ;)

Edited at 2008-12-01 11:39 pm (UTC)
dragonsangel68: TW - Edward/Bella laughingdragonsangel68 on December 1st, 2008 10:03 pm (UTC)
Your hygenist uses the same toothpaste mine does - the one with the rocks in it!

I'm very much of the opinion that there has to be something seriously wrong with those who choose professions where they inflict pain on their customers daily *nods*
Carrie Leighcarrie_leigh on December 1st, 2008 11:39 pm (UTC)
Why does it need rocks?!
dragonsangel68: TW - Edward/Bella smirkdragonsangel68 on December 2nd, 2008 12:06 am (UTC)
I have pondered that very question myself, and I'm still stuck for an answer *sigh*
7veilsphaedra7veilsphaedra on December 2nd, 2008 12:16 am (UTC)
The dentalspeak for hygienist's toothpaste? Slurries. Doesn't that sound like something scraped off the bottom of your car?
Carrie Leighcarrie_leigh on December 2nd, 2008 12:20 am (UTC)
That's disgusting. And explains so much.
7veilsphaedra7veilsphaedra on December 2nd, 2008 12:24 am (UTC)
My hygienist insists on asking me questions that require more than a yes or no answer when she's got her fingers and pokey sharp instruments stuck in my mouth, too.
Jessica K Malfoy: hp: draco gets hitjessicakmalfoy on December 2nd, 2008 12:22 am (UTC)

while i don't have any teeth issues (thank heavens), i don't really love going to the dentist cause of the amount of time they spend trying to scrape apart my teeth with that metal spike thingy. i'm always waiting for it to slip & tear open my gums!
Carrie Leighcarrie_leigh on December 2nd, 2008 12:24 am (UTC)
I loathe that metal spike thingy with every fibre of my being.

BAH, dentist.
Adelagia: sylar srslyadelagia on December 2nd, 2008 06:01 am (UTC)
Yep, that explains the four years I left between my two most recent dentist visits. Why do they insist on holding a conversation while they're shredding your gums?

There was also the fluoride treatment that came in flavours of peppermint, chocolate and bubblegum squeezed into a gummy mold that you had to bite down on, and you were not allowed to rinse it out, or eat or drink anything for the next half hour. Torture.
maureen: Beatlesmaureen on December 2nd, 2008 08:01 pm (UTC)
Muzaked ANYTHING is bad, but especially when they take a truly beautiful song and mangle it... I would bail you out in heartbeat, my friend.
Carrie Leigh: record/Cassandrecarrie_leigh on December 2nd, 2008 09:26 pm (UTC)
I knew I could count on you.