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27 August 2007 @ 08:19 am
Letting Go  

A mentor of mine once said that raising children was a gradual process of letting them go.  That at first, when they're babies, you hold them tightly, but gradually you have to release them, make your hold gentler and gentler until all that's left is your love for them that surrounds them.  

How appropriate for today!  It's the first day of Kindergarten (big school!) for A.J., and the first day of second grade for Ethan (He gets a locker.  This, so far, is the most exciting part of second grade).  Of course, there's always family drama in the Kindergarten hallway, so we by-passed that and dropped Ethan off first.  He gave me the quickest hug imaginable (seriously, if you'd blinked, you'd have missed it) and began chatting casually with a boy he evidently knew, leaning up against the desk, looking as comfortable as one can in a room with primary colors blaring out at you from every surface.  He never looked back.  He's thirty five, I swear.

 Aaron and I turned to go back down to the hallway of clinging children and weeping mothers, and does the five year-old wait for me?  Does he hold my hand?  Why, no, he does not.  He walks about 5 feet ahead of me the whole way, never looking to make sure I'm still there.  He enters his class, puts up his Spiderman lunchbox, sits at the desk with his name on it, and begins the task the teacher had for him to do.  I put his nametag on him, put my face close to him and he gave me a kiss and a sweet, "Bye, Mom!" and never looked back.  I have truly well-adjusted, independent children, praise God.

You know those moms?  The ones that have to be in charge of everything?  Head up every committee and control every aspect of their child's life?  They're the Alpha moms.  Me?  I'm a Beta mom.  I'm laid back.  I enoy the fact that my boys don't need me to make every decision for them.  I don't feel compelled to put myself right in the middle of their school lives.  I really like the fact that they walked into their respective classes this morning, with no trepidation, full of excitement for the year to come. 

So why am I crying?

Because letting go is hard.  

Aaron could hardly contain the excitement...

Their real personalities shine through...

Aaron doing the 'first day of kindergarten' dance

"The Outsiders" starring Aaron as 'Pony Boy' and Ethan as 'Soda Pop'.

All that said, I'm going to entrench myself in my "beta mom" personality and go for a run.  By myself.  With no one slowing me down.Then I'm going to write.  In the quiet.  By myself.  With no one asking me to make them a snack.  Hmm.  I may not be sad for long,  ;)
I feel:: sadsad
I hear:: Vivaldi's Concerto for Two trumpets, C major, 3rd movement
seegrimseegrim on August 27th, 2007 03:22 pm (UTC)
I love the 'Outsiders' pic.

I cried, too. Even after waiting twelve years to have some daylight hours to myself, it still was a rude awakening.

Does Aaron have all-day kindergarten then? My youngest started K last week, but she only goes from 12-2:45. Although, it's plenty of time. So far last week when she was in school I made it to a spinning class (ouch), got a pedicure, and lunched with friends. Hooray for school!
Carrie Leigh: I talk to myselfcarrie_leigh on August 27th, 2007 03:41 pm (UTC)
Ooh. Spinning. That particular class at my gym happens at 5:00 in the morning. And I don't.

Aaron goes to school from 8:00-1:45. And yes, I do have BIG plans, including lunch, pedicure, shopping and mopping the floors without anyone making muddy footprints in them before they dry. I'm living it up, let me tell you!
sue_bridehead on August 27th, 2007 04:52 pm (UTC)
Yes, it's bittersweet when they leave you and say, 'Bye Mom' like it's no big deal. I too am a beta mom. I enjoy the fact that they are growing up. I know I'll miss them when they've left home, but so far, each milestone has been rewarding. *sigh* And isn't quiet time so very nice? ;)

LOL, "The Outsiders"! Who wouldn't love boys named Soda Pop and Pony Boy? ^_^
Carrie Leigh: I talk to myselfcarrie_leigh on August 28th, 2007 12:01 am (UTC)
Yup. I adore the quiet time.

Your trip sounded FABULOUS. Glad you had a good time!
Comic Book Goddess: Calvin - Rocketship Underpantsrainpuddle13 on August 27th, 2007 05:43 pm (UTC)
Totally adorable. Your kids are so well adjusted, they will thank you greatly later in life for this. All of that and handsome to boot. You lucked out in the kid the department! And they lucked out with getting such a good mom. I'm almost jealous.

Yeah so, what are you writing? *looks expectantly*
Carrie Leighcarrie_leigh on August 28th, 2007 12:10 am (UTC)
Thank you. What a sweet compliment.

I'm writing. A lot. But I LOATHE typing.

Here's what I'm working on:

http://persephone33.livejournal.com/68993.html (Sorry. I'm incapable of a link. It's a couple of entries back on my LJ.)

Let me know what you think about Marrying Pansy Parkinson. (It's a D/G. Don't make that face.)
shady121 on August 27th, 2007 08:06 pm (UTC)
OMG. Today was my cousin's first day and apparently she RAN to the bus this morning. Why are kids becoming so... non clingy nowadays. Of course. I was thrown on the bus the first day of school so I had to cope. I think it did well for me.

It's the OUTSIDERS!! What, no Dally? I thought one of them surely would be. Cute pictures though. I love how their hair is always parted so neatly.
Carrie Leigh: Ethan=Little Dracocarrie_leigh on August 28th, 2007 12:11 am (UTC)
Some kids are strong. Some kids are clingy messes.

I like their hair, too. Not everyone feels that way, though. ;)
Mala: Knotty but nice13oct on August 27th, 2007 10:07 pm (UTC)
Your boys are adorable... Lucky you!
Carrie Leigh: It's exhaustingcarrie_leigh on August 28th, 2007 12:12 am (UTC)
Thank you! They do have their moments!
dragonsangel68dragonsangel68 on August 27th, 2007 11:08 pm (UTC)
*hugs* I hope you got over your sadness :) I'm not really sure what's worse when you have to leave them at school: the strong, independent little souls who don't look back or shoo you out of the classroom, or the clingy, screamers who don't want mummy to ever leave.

Your boys look so handsome and happy! Especially Aaron with his 'first day' dance :)
Carrie Leigh: Ethan=Little Dracocarrie_leigh on August 28th, 2007 12:13 am (UTC)
I'm over it. Tomorrow's going to be GREAT. Can't wait. And I'll take the independent type over the screamer. Yikes.

The first day dance had a song that went with it...
dLdieloreley on August 28th, 2007 01:53 pm (UTC)
YAY YOU for not being clingy!mum and extra yay to Ethan and AJ for being so independent. I have to say my brother would probably have been the clingy sort. Ah well...

Hope that the boys are enjoying school and that you're enjoying free time. *hugs*