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05 November 2013 @ 02:57 pm
In Which Carrie was Felt Up by an Octogenarian  
Oh, where to begin? The beginning, I suppose.

I voted today. I cast a vote for freedom instead of tyranny, if you're interested.

Picture me with half my face blued, on a horse, a fierce expression on my face as I approached the polling place, shaking my fist with democratic fervor:

Carrie. "I came back here as a middle-aged woman to tell my enemies that they may take my life, but they will never take... my FREEDOM!"

But I did all that on the inside. Outwardly, I handed the DLOL (Dear Little Old Lady) my driver's licence. She gave me a printout and an "I VOTED!" sticker, and sent me on my way.

And then a DLOM (Dear Little Old Man) shuffled up to me, led me to the booth, asked me if I wanted the polling machine to continue in English (I did) and went on to explain how it worked.

DLOM. See here, the screen just works when you touch it!

Carrie. (fights the urge to be sarcastic) Oh, okay.

DLOM. Give me a whistle if you need anything.

Carrie. Yes, sir.

DLOM. You know how to whistle?

Carrie. (panics, because she thinks the DLOM is going to tell her to put her lips together and blow) I do. (She doesn't) Thank you.

DLOM nods and shuffles off.

I voted, and it was boring, and they used far too many words than they needed and I shut down all their tyranny and political nonsense with my one awesome vote. Then, as I turned to go, I started to peel the "I VOTED!" sticker off the paper backing, the DLOM noticed that I was having trouble, because I no longer have acrylic fingernails, and sometimes it's hard to get used to making things happen without them. So he shuffles back over.

DLOM. Do you need some help?

Carrie. (feels like a four year-old, but thinks that he probably is just trying to be helpful. after all, he's voluntarily at one of the most boring jobs in the world) Sure. Thank you.

DLOM. (peels the sticker off like he'd been doing it for 89 years - or however long stickers have been around- and then STICKS IT ON MY BREAST.) There you go!

20131105_124013
(Ignore my neckfat/gross neck)

As you can see, that sticker is NOT on the part of my upper body that is neutral territory, but is CLEARLY on the area that is the swelling part of my left breast.

The DLOM and I BOTH GASPED AT THE SAME TIME, he blushed and my eyes got VERY wide, and then we both walked away (me briskly, he at a faster shuffle than normal) in opposite directions.

And that's how I got groped by an old man when I was voting.

They never mentioned that being part of the package in the "Doing Your Civic Duty" filmstrip in high school.
 
 
I am:: home
I feel:: mildly horrified
I hear:: none
 
 
 
(Anonymous) on November 5th, 2013 09:19 pm (UTC)
I'm laughing to hard to think of anything to say!!!
Carrie Leigh: He was handsome with heartburncarrie_leigh on November 6th, 2013 02:17 am (UTC)
I know. Believe me, if I'd thought of something pithy to say, I would have. But there were NO WORDS.
Mala13oct on November 5th, 2013 09:56 pm (UTC)
I cackled at this. Only you Carrie. Only you!! :))
Carrie Leigh: i got lostcarrie_leigh on November 6th, 2013 02:16 am (UTC)
I know. It's like the crazy flocks to me.
(Anonymous) on November 5th, 2013 10:54 pm (UTC)
a day at the polls
God Bless America!
Carrie Leigh: dramatic headdeskcarrie_leigh on November 6th, 2013 02:15 am (UTC)
Re: a day at the polls
Amen.
O Demanding One: Express: Oops! Poohheyurs on November 6th, 2013 12:16 am (UTC)

hehehehehe! Goodness! x)

Carrie Leigh: Lead me not into temptationcarrie_leigh on November 6th, 2013 02:20 am (UTC)
I know, Urs. I know.
Katemugglechump on November 6th, 2013 12:25 am (UTC)
Oh my goodness, Carrie. Dolphins. Old men. No one is immune to your charms. Be careful with that kind of power.
Carrie Leigh: The Winchesters look disgustedcarrie_leigh on November 6th, 2013 02:19 am (UTC)
With great power comes great responsibility old men and dolphins violating you.
Kate: Quote: Govt can take awaymugglechump on November 6th, 2013 03:02 am (UTC)
As a side note, I wish I'd been able to shut down tyranny and political nonsense with my awesome vote. Alas, there are too many dumbasses in my state these days. /political rant.
Jandy the Gnome Whispererjandjsalmon on November 6th, 2013 01:29 am (UTC)
That is HILARIOUS!

ALSO - this line - "I shut down all their tyranny and political nonsense with my one awesome vote." - This should be on those Rock the Vote commercials.
Carrie Leigh: bad examplecarrie_leigh on November 6th, 2013 02:20 am (UTC)
I hereby trademark that, so I get some cash out of this somehow. ;)
Elle Blessingwayelle_blessing on November 6th, 2013 03:14 am (UTC)
*CACKLES*

I love that you both were embarrassed.

You so did not go out riding on an epic steed like you came in. XDXD