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19 April 2011 @ 05:43 am
They shoot fat women, don't they?  
First of all, may I say that there shouldn't be two three o' clocks in a twenty four hour period? Nothing good happens at three a.m. Well, nothing good has ever happened to me at three a.m. Unless you count uninterrupted sleep, which frankly I'm not getting enough of these days.

What I'm saying is that I've been awake now for over two hours - long enough to try to convince myself to go back to sleep, and when it became abundantly apparent that wasn't happening, to have a bath, feed the dogs and have a cup of coffee.

What awoke me at that ungodly (seriously, I refuse to believe MY risen savior has anything to do with 3 a.m.) hour you may ask? I'll tell you, reader. I woke up in a sweat, frowning, with a heck of a backache from a dream about... you guessed it. Choreography.

I'm affectionately calling them 'dancemares.'

Wait, what? Not everyone has nightmares about dance steps? Just me? Alrighty.

Anyway, once I'm awake and thinking about what comes next (step step kick chase turn step ball change) and get stuck, then my mind drifts to other things. Like the fact that one or possibly more of my costumes for the show might be pornographic.

It's no fault of the costume, mind. No, the costume looks fine on everyone else. You see, I'm the chubby girl in the cast. It's not a fun place to be, but nevertheless, I'm currently filling that position. And the thing is, I'm not hugely fat or anything. I've actually lost about thirty pounds in the last six months, but that's not going to stop me looking like a cow next to all the lovely, thin girls next to me on stage. And, to top it off, they're going to have to order this costume for me in a plus size.

A plus size.

Boy, that does a lot for my ego, let me tell you.

There's not really anything I can do about it at this point, anyway. Even if I stopped food altogether, which incidentally, I'm unwilling to do, it wouldn't put me even close to looking like the other girls. And the thing is, I don't even want (or need) to look like the other girls. Not in real life. But on stage, in the chorus, I don't want to stick out as the fat cowgirl.

"Who was the fat girl? They shouldn't have cast the fat girl. Ugh! did you see the fat girl?"

Normally, I'm alright with my Christina Hendricks-like figure, but every now and then, I'd really like to blend. I'd like to NOT be a DD, and instead have thin thighs and fit into all of the vintage costumes at the theatre.

You can say that it's my fault. It is. My weight cannot be blamed on anyone but me. But when I've just bought several dresses that are a ten, one that's a twelve and even an eight for the last picture I posted on here, wearing plus size costumes makes me feel like a lump.

A lump with dancemares.

At least I've learned the music. Mostly. But hitting the right notes is not going to stop my rear end from being exposed to all of Amarillo this May. Stay tuned. It's gonna be a hell of a ride.
 
 
I am:: my office
I feel:: awakeawake
 
 
 
Mala13oct on April 19th, 2011 11:53 am (UTC)
odear. When you are dreaming about it, you know you have it bad!!

I know it's not gonna make you feel any better, but I'm in the same boat as you are. :) We get out of it - soon!

*HUGS*
(Anonymous) on April 19th, 2011 04:06 pm (UTC)
Christina Hendricks.... (insert pool o' drool) Loved her since "Firefly". I feel ya, kid.. Now, I haven't professionally danced since I did the number to Madonna's "Cherish" oh so long ago (man.. I had great legs back then)and I am afraid now that I would only get cast as the hippo ballerinas in the local production of "Fantasia". Congrats on dropping some pounds, but at the same time.. Thank GOD for women with curves.. Maybe that is why I love Mad Men so much.. give me girls with curves.. not sharp stick bodies.
-Brooks-
nolankyle on April 19th, 2011 10:49 pm (UTC)
I concur....
Although I am not sure how I feel about Brooks and his comments. It doesn't sound like the Brooks I know but in a written post, who does sound like themselves? I'm going to chock his comments up to "supportive" in a christian brotherly love sort of way. Otherwise I would have to "do " something.

On the other hand I know perfectly well how I feel about my beautiful curvy wife (and to a lessor, much lessor degree, how I feel about the aforementioned C.Hendricks-SHAZAM).

MY PERSONAL OPINION- Sticks=No Curves=Shazam

NKH
April Wesson DriggersApril Wesson Driggers on April 23rd, 2011 04:03 pm (UTC)
You are beautiful!
Motherhood, age, life and stress do a doozie to a woman's body -- ask me, I, too, am a DD and ready to relive my skinnier days. Seeing those waify chicks in all the GAP commercials makes me want to force-feed the poor souls some Blue Bell....

You get to where YOU want to be and you'll be the BEST... because CONFIDENCE... your beautiful smile... your gorgeous hair... that will make you a triple-threat!! The rest, at that point, is just gravy...

Amazing how many references to food I was able to put in just a small space... hmmm... off to analyze!
Carrie Leighcarrie_leigh on April 23rd, 2011 04:47 pm (UTC)
Re: You are beautiful!
As for the GAP models and all the other people that say they "can't gain weight"... I have a plan. make them come live with me for a month. I can get the pounds on them! Have a sandwich instead of splitting an M&M for lunch, for instance.

We're moms. The vast majority of the day revolves around shopping for food, planning meals and feeding people. And if I didn't love all of that so much, maybe my rear end wouldn't be the size of the side of a barn...